Bachelorette Tirade: A Redux

All you die hards out there might recall a post or two I wrote awhile back about wedding party woes.

Those same, select few, might also recall that when I wrote about it all then, I said that I would probably revisiting the topic in the not so distant future as I had another wedding coming up in a few months.

Well kids, guess what time it is?

Ok, so the next wedding (which THANK GOD I am NOT in) isn't until December, but all the extra "goodies" have already started. This weekend is the alleged bachelorette party. I used the word "alleged" because personally, I don't think you can call it a true bachelorette party if the bride was involved in...every...step...of...the...planning.

Not only that, but the bride has a full fledged itinerary of things to do on the said day. It goes a little something like this.

Daytime- go to spa
Dinnertime- go out to eat
After dinner- comedy club
After, after dinner- bar
After, after, after dinner- stay over in a hotel

The schedule didn't surprise me much given the chosen festivities of last time. It also didn't surprise me that there have been a TON of roadblocks along the way.

1. The bride told everyone she wanted the bachelorette party in sheep's clothing to take place the first weekend in October. Only problem was she didn't realize that the first weekend in October meant the 2nd, not the 9th as she must have bought her calendar from the bargain bin and thus this must account for the newly developed three week month.

This problem seems easy enough to fix, right? Wrong. See the bride is ATTACHED AT THE HIP to her intended, so much so that although they wouldn't be together for eachother's events, she wanted her event to be the same day as his event...more so for accountability purposes than anything else.

So she insisted, at first, that her party had to stay the 9th...although in actuality it never really was the 9th anyplace else but in her mind. This in turn caused an all out war between the bridal party and other miscellaneous fringe friends who had planned for that day, one of which had already bought tickets to fly in from California.

Finally, the bride realized how silly she was being and "changed" the date back.

Now before you go thinking how nice it was of the bride to compromise, put yourself in the shoes of a jealous, possessive fiance, and then maybe, maybe you will find a way to figuring out her motives.

Changing the date was no problem see, because now that frees up the guys to MEET UP with the girls on the 2nd! And all is right with the world! Yeah!

2. But then the bridal party got wind of this plan and suddenly decided that they didn't see the point in putting out all the money for the Woodstock of weddings, and decided to 3 way call the bride to boycott. Now we have five sub events in the making, four cars a taking, three disgruntled bridesmaids, 2 possessive lovebirds...

and a partridge named... me.

To All the Bloggers I've Loved Before

There's a saying I learned once in Girl Scouts years ago:

"Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold.

A circle's round, it has no end,
That's how long I want to be your friend."

In the little under four months I have been steadily blogging, I have "met" quite a few fellow bloggers and passersby. Every week or so I meet someone new, but I also notice that every week or so, another blogger unofficially (or officially) bites the dust. First the updates grow fewer and farther between until eventually, they are not there at all. Then, before you know it, they're gone. Well not GONE, gone, but gone from my little corner of the world anyhow.

I don't know what it is. I guess a lot of people don't have the time in their busy schedules that they thought they were going to or that they used to when they started. Sometimes people start a blog because they are at a dead end job and want a way to break up the boredom. But lives change, people change, jobs change..and ultimately, they move on.

So as a result, some blogging assocations are fleeting and are now just an isolated moment in time. But as time marches on I still meet new bloggers or visitors who happened to find AOGB. Do not be mistaken. These people do not replace the folks that aren't around anymore. Oh no. They merely add something new to the mix. Like I suppose,I don't know, Mark McGrath hopes to do for Access Hollywood.

I know I've been busy, but for whatever reason, blogging is a fun outlet. Even if nobody reads it.

So, to paraphrase Mark Twain:

Blog like nobody's watching;
Comment like you've never been hurt.
Rant like nobody's listening
Write like it's heaven on earth.

The H is O (a.k.a. The Heat Is On)

To quote the immortal words of Jerry Orbach in Dirty Dancing, "And I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong."

So, what am I wrong about this week?

Well, I'm talking about NBC's latest season of Last Comic Standing: Battle of the Comics. In the beginning of the summer, for all you old timers out there, I blogged about how lame this season's funny factor was compared to last season's. As it turns out, Howard Jones was wrong when he said "No One Ever Is To Blame". In fact, there is
someone to blame and that's the editing department over at NBC, who were obviously more concerned with hyping the "we don't get along factor" then showing us most of the real comedy.

But bygones are byones now as season two has stepped it up winning not one, not two, not three, but FOUR, consecutive season to season challenges. This is due to the likes of comedians like Alonzo Bodden, Gary Gulman, Jay London and the deserved (for a change) season 2 winner, John Heffron. Hell, even Kathleen Madigan has actually been funny. Where were they hiding her silly side all summer?

Meanwhile, in season one territory, things are growing stale. They have strong contenders in Rich Vos and Dave Mordal and occassionally Tess and Geoff Brown, but even those folks can't pull the dead weight of Sean Kent, Tere Joyce and Rob Cantrell and even, dare I say it, the first season winner, Dat Phan. This is especially true when it seems that most of the comics haven't developed new material lately, period.

I guess that's the only way I'd truly be satisfied. If I saw each comic, head to head and they DEMANDED new material each week. Only then would we truly be able to seperate the men from the boys.

Meanwhile, on CBS, another season of The Amazing Race came to a close. I can't really compare this season to previous seasons considering I never watched the show before. All I can say is that Satan's lovebirds, "Colin and Christie" are pure evil incarnate. There's nothing like a little roping of cattle or whatever the hell they were doing that one week to bring out the evil
in ya. I'm still having nightmares about them, but at least they didn't win the money. I liked Brandon and Nicole just fine... well minus Nicole that is. That, and the ongoing, "loosely affiliated when it's convenient" God factor.

But when all was said and done, we had our winners, Chip and Kim, who got by nearly the ENTIRE season with Chip pulling the weight for his team all by himself. I mean did Kim ever talk... or do anything, for that matter...that helped them? Still, I'm glad they won. All and all they were good people. Then again, almost anybody up against Colin and Christie would come across that way.

Lucky for us, in a few weeks we have a new season of Amazing Race starting to fill in the gaps where an actual life should be.

My Favorite Time of Year

The weather starts to get a little bit colder. Kids start to go back to school. Leaves begin to change color and fall to the ground. We turn back our clocks. Growing up, these were all signs my favorite time of year was coming.

No silly, not autumn...it was new fall shows time!

Giddy with anticipation, I would always anxiously await the new Fall Preview TV Guide (like the self-appointed dork that I am) so that I could carefully map out which shows I planned to watch that year. I'd also take bets on which ones I was most looking forward to. These were also the programs most likely to be gone by week three or four. Incidentally this is usually just enough time for someone like me to get me hooked and inevitably end up screaming at the television set in despair once they remove said program from the lineup without giving it a fair chance.

Then, like clockwork, weeks, months or even years later, there are the write-ups about the "ones that got away" and wouldn't you know it, it's almost ALWAYS the shows that I told them (telepathically of course) NOT to cancel.

Here's the shortlist of a few of my personal faves that are gone, but not forgotten:

1. My So-Called Life
2. Relativity
3. Freaks and Geeks
4. Popular
5. Norm
6. Ellen
7. Cupid
8. Roswell
9. The Heights
10. That 80's Show

Now, in the case of My-So Called Life, Freaks and Geeks and even Popular someone, somewhere realized the error of their ways and now the shows are available to rent or buy on DVD. I realize that with numbers 9 & 10 I definitely lost some of my support. What can I say? If it makes you feel better, these shows only a mother could love.

Then there were the few shows they pretended to give a chance, but were on the chopping block almost the entire time they were on and thus changed time slots more than J-Lo changes husbands:

1. Once and Again
2. Felicity
3. Ed
4. Life Goes On

We all have our own personal lists. Your list, for instance, might be completely different than mine. Feel free to share...just as long as one of your faves isn't critics darling, The West Wing. Then I'm afraid we simply cannot be friends or at the very least, would have to agree to disagree.

Now that another fall is upon us, new series are cropping up everywhere. What will my new favorite be? What show will I hate and thus, stay on the air for seasons to come? Although it might sound cliche, I guess we'll just have to stay tuned...

The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

"A four day weekend. You teachers are SO lucky!"

If I had a dollar for everytime I heard something to that effect over the past few days I'd have...well at least five extra dollars to my name.

The truth of the matter is (as some of you already know) teaching is NOT easy.

Sure, we have our summers off and a few days here and there to spare. We also finish our workdays at 3 o'clock, give or take an hour or so.

BUT what people DON'T realize is all the EXTRA work that goes into teaching after the school day ends and even times, before the day begins.

There's back to school night, parent-teacher conferences, grading, behavior management, public relations, copying, filing and last but not least, planning.

As for my own little class, the numbers keep changing. I'm still waiting on word about a para and until then I am now at 21 including the ADHD child. I already had one child transfer out.

I have two kids named "John" and three named "Bryan" (names here are changed to protect the innocent)

I am also quickly realizing there are "The Three Levels of Bryan's":

Level One Bryan- this is the Bryan who is quiet, on task and an all around pleasure to work with.

Level Two Bryan- this Bryan can be a pleasure to work with, it depends on the mood you catch him in.

Level Three Bryan- is always all over the place. Has trouble sitting still and listening WITHOUT calling out.

Lucky teacher I am, I managed to somehow get nearly all of my goals for the work week accomplished this weekend.

More non-teaching related posts to come over the next few days. Now if only I could negotiate three to four day work weeks EVERY week, I'd be good to go.

Say My Name, Say My Name

There's a new blog in town that even managed to make the much coveted sidebar list. From what I can tell, it's devoted entirely to weird names.

I found this to be funny because I was planning on writing an entry about the exact same thing...just with more of a backstory attached to it.

For the sake of this story making sense, I'm going to condense info a little bit. Have no fear though, the events still did actually take place. A friend of mine was telling me the other day about a student she knew named Female (pronounced fi-(short i) Mal EE). They asked the parents how they came up with such an "unusual" name and the mother said the following:

"Oh well it's the name they gave her at the hospital and since we thought it was so pretty, we decided to keep it!"

Sometimes ignorance can be bliss, but other times it can really kick the second generation in the ass.

Reality TV Killed The Video Star With The Wrench In The Study

Has anyone out there been watching cable TV lately?

I suppose you could say I never really stopped. Still, I don't know when my MTV self officially became more VH1. Did MTV dumb their content down or did I just grow up? Perhaps it's a combination of the two. That's not to say I still don't dabble, as curiosity got the best of me yet again when I tuned into MTV's new Real World this past Tuesday. This time I rationalizied it though. The season is in Philly, and thus almost in my backyard. The cast members themselves? More of the same unless of course you count the "twist", casting not one, but TWO gay guys and TWO straight guys that amazingly enough, BOTH look like the love children of Greatest American Hero's William Katt and Bachelor Bob Guiney.

Other than that, it's the same as it ever was.

Meanwhile, on sister network VH1, I have been going through some serious withdrawal from my weekly dose of Best Week Ever. For those of you living in the unlightened end of the spectrum, BWE is a mini me dose of pop culture a la "Best of" Style. In other words, if you liked Best of the 80's, 90's etc, you'd like this, sans Michael Ian Black. I'd love to be a commentarian (is that even a word?) on the show even if they only pay 500 bucks or less to some participants. Hell, these struggling comedians aren't crazy. Exposure trumps dough in the biz any day.

Maybe someone out there can help me out. Did they change the time or is the show on hiatus? That's the worst part of network scheduling. Sometimes you gotta be Sherlock freakin' Holmes to find out what time your favorite show is on (CBS airing Big Brother and Amazing Race at like 1:07 in the morning, I'm talking to YOU).

Then we have the recently aired second season of Bands Reunited where VH1 "scours the globe" to reunite band members most of us would never know if we came across them in a dark alley. Sure everyone loved songs like Haircut 100's "Love Plus One" and The Motels "Only the Lonely", but how many of us could ID them if they stole our purse? Me thinks it's not that many.

But then VH1 did the unthinkable. They aired an episode attempting to reunite the beloved NKOTB. How exciting and yet incredibly sad at the same time! If you are a girl between the ages of 22 and 32 you know exactly what I'm talking about. You also know that IT WAS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Let's break it down a bit here. You got Donnie Wahlberg who is by all accounts a "serious actor" and is famous for it, if only in a "I'm riding the coattails of my brother who once was a joke but look at me now" kinda way. After that there's the baby of the group and my former fave, Joey Mcintyre who graciously declined considering he's neck and neck with Donnie in terms of success DESPITE the boy band image. Then we got one half of the brother set of the group, Jonathan Knight who miraculously agrees to do it, despite years of struggling with tremendous stage fright. Anyone who ever watched them perform or speak on live television wouldn't have been too shocked by this revelation. They also know that even if they get Jon on board all by his lonesome, it wouldn't be much of a show anyhow (sorry Jon, but you know it's true).

Then we have Jordan Knight who has officially become one of those former teenage heartthrobs who now has the reverse effect on women. Here's a perfect example of irony, so Alanis, listen up. Poor Jordan would love to get with the much younger American Idol hottie, Ryan Starr... who had it been ten years earlier he might have had a chance...only then SHE would have been prepubescent...and it would have been HIM doing the dissing. Crazy how these things change really. Anyway, to watch him on Surreal Life now (incidentally, the most surreal season yet thanks to the likes of Brigitte Nielsen and Flava Flav), obviously hard up for exposure, it was a no brainer that he would want to participate.

But then the shock of all shocks came when former New Kid Danny Wood not only refused to do the show, but refused to be shown on camera. I mean I expected that from Donnie, but Danny? I thought he'd be clamoring to make an appearance. I guess even he saw that there really wasn't a benefit to a one time only reunion and a chance to have their now aging fans, five year olds in tow, screaming for their autographs. And with that, the the moment has officially passed. So Backstreet Boys, NSync and the now recently defunct Creed, if you're listening, this is so your life in like 5 more years.

So let's review what we learned. The moral of the story being you can't go home again, especially if you're home was once surrounded by screaming teenage girls. Also, if I was ever a fan of your show, status or singing, chances are your longevity is doomed yet lucky for me, still likely to be revered on the beloved guilty pleasure known as VH1.

Flesh & Blood, Stuff & Nonsense

What is it about family that makes them so special?

Depending on who you are, you probably have found yourself to be close at one time or another to a mother, a father, a sister or brother, grandmother, grandfather and possibly an aunt, uncle or cousin.

And no, for argument's sake your pet(s) doesn't count.

Now take away the ones you are closest to and you are left with the extended lot.

How come so many of us begrudingly invite these individuals into our lives, attend family gatherings and accept behaviors we wouldn't accept from strangers simply because they are family?

Now accepting less than stellar attitudes from immediate family or from those we have always been close to is one thing, but when you've never been close to a family member, what's the point in starting now?

My uncle and his new wife came to visit this weekend. The uncle, I should add, who is also apparently my Godfather, in name only, however, considering the man was never really in my life. His not being there hasn't been an upset to me though considering I never gave it much consideration. In fact, if anything, it would probably be MORE upsetting to have him around than not.

Here's a quick snapshot. When I was 13, I made my confirmation. This same uncle went up to a friend of mine and congratulated HER. Talk about being present and accounted for. I can't take it too personally though because the truth of the matter is he doesn't know much more about his own kids.

Then there are the family members who I have nothing against, some of whom I'd like to know better, but in "Cats in the Cradle" like fashion, we've never had the time. We'll get together then. We're gonna have a good time... then.

I guess part of the problem is I was always considerably younger than the rest of my cousins and since I am an only child, I've always been rather slow to warm up to people. Usually by the time I feel comfortable around certain family members it's time for said event to end and by the next time I see them, the awkward conversation stage must be conquered yet again. But just because I'm shy, it doesn't mean I'm not forming an opinion or impression. In fact, being quiet has its advantages that way.

And then I got to thinking that some of my fellow bloggers know things about me even my closest friends and family don't know. As for what this says about me, I'm not exactly sure.

Maybe you can help me figure that one out.

Calgon, Take Me Away

Well, there's three days down, about 177 more to go.

I look at my friends who have been teaching a few years now with a mixture of envy and awe. I can't wait for the day.. to be that teacher who is ahead of the game instead of just keeping her head above water.

Anyone who knows me knows I THRIVE on organization. This past week, however, has been rooted in nothing but DISorganization (a prefix, by the way, I reintroduced to my class this week). Papers are everywhere, I have multiple to do lists...and oh yeah, I have to somehow try to teach.

Since I last wrote another child has been added to my class which now brings my total up to twenty. I currently have about three sets of children with the same last name and two sets with the same first name which has already been heaps of fun.

BUT yesterday I got a copy of a plan for a child in my class that was made last year. Apparently the boy is classified as ADHD which was not surprising to me AT ALL considering he "doesn't like chairs". There's no way he's taking his meds although it's in his plan. Also in his plan as of last May is that a paraprofessional is in the room to assist him.

Which was a red flag for me.

Not unlike sex in the champagne room, there's no para in my room. None.

So the unanswered question still remains...will they move the boy to a room that has a para OR will they give me a para? I pray for the latter but you know what they say, be careful what you wish for. If you get a dud para you actually could be worse off.

On a separate, unrelated note, I have had little to no time to do stuff like this. And even when I do get a spare moment to log on to blogger these days, a lot of times it won't let me update.

I just wanted to acknowledge that I will still be reading and writing to my fellow bloggers...it just may take me a bit of time to get in the swing of things.

(sigh) For now, it's back to the land of third grade lessons...

School Daze

I think somebody needs to make me a t-shirt that says "I survived my first day of teaching."

As it should go without saying, today was my first day with my darling little third graders. The day flew by and I am beat. Today 19 kids showed up: 18 of which were on my list, one of which was not and 3 who were, but were no shows. If I get to 24 I apparently get an aide in the room. You do the math.

Having worked in different districts in differing capacities I can say one thing honestly- this is the most disorganized system yet. For those who are interested, here are some brief highlights of my day.

Picking the kids up in the cafeteria. Now one would think it made sense to have the kids come directly to the classroom. But administration, however, does not have such enlightened ideas. So instead we ALL met in the cafeteria. I'm talking teachers, paraprofessionals, students, parents, siblings of students, administration...You name it, they were there. Now add to that the fact that none of the students knew who I was and that some students had the room number of the teacher I replaced on their paper...who would have had a different class altogether by the way. Oh and it gets better. This meeting stuff in the cafeteria? We do it EVERYDAY.

ET Phone Home
Maybe it's just me, but phone calls, constantly came to my room today. It was insane. Some stuff, I realize, is unavoidable. But then when I start getting calls like this one, I begin to have second thoughts:
Music Teacher: "Hi, this is the music teacher. You know how it says on your schedule that I come to your room on Mondays?
Me: (screaming kids in the background) Ummm...no it doesn't say anything on my paper about your coming to my room.
Music Teacher: Oh, ok. Cause I'm not. We are doing wind instruments (or insert whatever he said here) and we need the music room to do that.
Me: Ok...
Music Teacher: So, on Monday, you can just bring them here.
Me: Just on Monday?
Music Teacher: No, from now on.

Which, for those playing along at home, is basically every week considering we haven't.. had.. music.. yet. Not to mention the fact we have two, count 'em two viable systems of communication in the school: email and individual mailboxes. A quick written correspondence, I don't know, maybe WHILE I'M NOT TEACHING would suffice.

Demon Children
I'll never forget what my one friend said to me the other day. We were talking about class rules and "laying down the law". She said, "Well, you won't have to worry about much the first few days because that's when the kids are angels. If they're not, well, that's when you know you are in for a tough class.

Within five minutes I had at least five children act out in some way. Pick a way. Chances are they did it.

Now multiply that by two and that unofficially be the number of "problem" children I have in my class. You know, the classes other teachers look at with part pity, part fear over? Yeah, although the jury is still out, it looks like that's the hand I've been dealt.

I guess the "good news" is that if that ends up being the case, it could only get easier from here...right?

I'm Just Saying...

I have a tendency to get hung up on technicalities.

This weekend I watched the movies 13 Going on 30 and The Girl Next Door. I thought they were both cute in a, "abandon all grasp of reality" sorta way. With The Girl Next Door there were a lot of, "yeah right, that would ever happen" twists and turns. But 13 Going On 30 had it's own share of far fetched scenarios.

Ok. So, the year is 1987. 13 year old Jenna is obsessed with the likes of Rick Springfield's "Jesse's Girl", Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and Pat Benatar's "Love Is A Battlefield", songs that were popular in 1981, 1982 and 1983, respectively. And don't think it's just me as the IMDB points out the same exact thing, only citing them all as 1984 which ironically, is also false. I know, I know. You're thinking it's not THAT impossible she still liked this stuff. I mean my stuck in the 80's self years after the fact being a prime example.

My theory is they wanted to pick definitive songs that hadn't been overused and in doing so, they didn't want to compromise their oh so catchy title, thus being locked into the year 1987.

I felt the same way recently about Bowling For Soup's new song, "1985". I love this song. It's so me. Well, minus the hair band groupie tendencies and the bored housewife saddled with teenage kids thing. But the song is called "1985" because it "plays well with others" lyrically, not because it's particularly factually accurate.


1985

Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husbands a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty four
Only been with one man
What happened to her plan?

She was gonna be an actress
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of White Snake's car (a reference to the 1987 hit "Here I Go Again")
Her yellow SUV, is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing, has been alright

Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Woo-hoo-hoo

1985

Woo-hoo-hoo

She's seen all the classics
She knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink (released in 1986)
Even St. Elmo's Fire
She rocked out to Wham
Not a big Limp Biscuit fan
Thought she'd get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran

Where's the mini-skirt made of snake skin
And who's the other guy singing in Van Halen
When did reality, become T.V.
What ever happen to sitcoms, game shows

On the radio was

Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Woo-hoo-hoo

She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop!
Stop!
Stop!

And bring back

Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 1985

Bruce Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

Either way, the video is still quite entertaining.

Upping The Anty

Now that the 2004 Summer Olympics have come to a rather uneventful close, I have come up with a blueprint for ways to increase the excitement level of the next Summer Olympics. I figure we might as well start considering some options now since the next Olympics will be here before we know it.

1. In reality TV mode, we have been trained to vote off of the "weakest" player. So, why not with the Olympics? Let's hold a vote off every night instead of leaving it up to the judges. This works two fold; gets rid of the pesky judges who are often biased anyhow and it keeps viewers at home glued to their tv sets.

2. Turn the Olympics into a Woodstock of sorts. In between events, have things like musical performances and sword swallowing attractions. Better yet, combine the two. Steven Tyler and the boys are long overdue for a blockbuster power ballad anyhow so chances are, they'd be game.

3. Hold a "Circus of the Stars" event where you get past winners who are also, mostly past their prime, and have them compete against each other again. This works well for the Winter Olympics as well cause personally, I'd love to see Scott Hamilton still skate circles around Brian Boitano. For me, watching Boitano go down never grows old.

4. Add events average people can participate in and relate to like video game triathlons, beer drinking competitions and Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon faceoffs.

5. Kick current events up a notch by making them even harder and thus, more spectacular. No longer would landing within the square without wobbling be enough in the land of floor gymnastics. Oh no. If the gymnast lands outside the designated square, give them a little electric shock. Nothing like a little performance incentive to put things into perspective.

Of course, these are all just ideas off the top of my head. Once we iron out the kinks though, I think we're pretty good to go.