Grease Is The Word

There's a funny little trend going around in fast food establishments across the country. While fast food has been all about trying to remain super fast, it also has been trying to factor in an element of substance.

Wendy's. McDonalds. Burger King. These aren't the greasy spoon establishments we once grew to know and love. Oh sure they still serve up heart attacks via things like the quadruple bypass cheeseburger and the cholesterol kickin' chicken, but taking their places right beside to these caloric nightmares are healthier options such as savory salads and low fat pitas. It's enough to make Mr. Roy Rogers himself turn over in his grave.

Fast food places aren't creating options like these because they suddenly care about your and your health, they're doing it because they have to. If they can fool you in to coming in to buy the Happy Meal for little Jenny and manage to wrangle you into getting a veggie burger for you too, it's all good to them.

But for most people, entering a fast food restaurant and choosing the healthy option is easier said than done. It's like a diabetic walking in to a candy store and knowing there are sugar free candies, but the diabetic still wants their good, old-fashioned mallomars. Sometimes having options only further complicates matters. Before you knew what you should have been eating, but it wasn't there to eat it, so you didn't feel as guilty picking up something bad for you in a pinch. Suddenly, fast food restaurants are trying to meet you halfway. Now in a slow, torturous chain of events you can watch your child savor his thick vanilla shake and whopper while you munch on your apple slices, wishing they were fries.

And then there are the fast food places that are pathetically throwing us a bone. Take Kentucky Fried Chicken for example. With all of the fast food restaurants trying so hard to pander to health conscious eaters, KFC might as well stand for Kan't F**cking Care. Oh sure, they can throw you a fried chicken salad, but it's still FRIED CHICKEN PEOPLE! Adding all the greens in the world isn't going to change that!

I always wondered about semi-health conscious people who literally eat up these new menu options. If you are really so health conscious, why are you eating fast food anyway? It's like the diet cokers who eat everything else unhealthy- as if the calories of your massive roast beef sandwhich will get washed away by that wonderful, magic elixir.

It reminds me of the mom of a good friend I had growing up who, like most people, wanted to lose weight without really having to work for it. Luckily (or unluckily depending on how you look at it) everyone, including the children, could have stood to lose a few pounds. So she went out and bought a bunch of those Slim Fast shakes that were all the rage in the eighties. Only thing is she'd serve up Slim Fast shakes with a slew of non slimming options. My favorite was lunchtime. Cheese filled hot dogs with a slide of Slim Fast. Nothing says null and void better than nacho cheese.

Now me, I'm a bit of an enigma. This is because I've never been too tempted by fast food restaurants. I don't really crave Burger King and could live my life content in the knowledge I'd never have to set foot into a Checkers or a White Castle ever again. So when I do go to places like these, I actually want to order a healthier option, not because I'm particularly watching my weight, but because I actually enjoy it. So I might go to McDonalds and order their new grilled chicken salad, but more than likely I'll also add an order of too good to be true french fries. Doing anything else is is just downright sacrilege.

So if you're a fast food lover who is trying to maintain a healthy diet, but is living off of fried food fumes, please take a step back and realize just what it is you're doing. You wouldn't go to Disney World not to see Mickey, would you?!

Stop the madness order your cheeseburger, or take my advice- get out of paradise.