Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?
Sometimes I find myself thinking about how much it would suck to be homeless.
It really bums me out.
I mean I bitch and whine as I exaggerate the painful walk from my car to the automatic doors of Target's super store. This pales in comparison, however, to the amount of time homeless people spend on the streets.
I think about this even more now because it's winter and let's face it, winter is not the time to become a bum. In fact, if find yourself near bumdom anytime soon, you should at least try to hold off until warmer weather arrives. Bum a few buck off of someone or something. I know the tide is high, but you gotta keep holding on.
Then again, if there's one thing I learned it's all about location, location, location! That being said, bums in places like Los Angeles really don't have such a raw deal after all. How many people do you know who get excited about sleeping on the beach, watching the stars? Bums get to do that every single night, no questions asked.
If you're a bum and you can't reside in a warmer climate, or you insist on staying near "family", your next best bet would most certainly be New York City. For one thing, there are a lot of other bums in places like NYC, so in some small way, you'd have a sense of community. A warped and demented community full of lowlifes and pickpocketers, but a community nonetheless.
But there are even more reasons cities like NYC would rock to bum around in. NYC, after all, is the city that never sleeps. So you could find yourself a warm place, anytime, day or night. It's also a place you can get to on foot. This is why you find so many bums in the penthouse suite of bumship, also known as the subway.
Then there's the little issue of sustenance. Bums are people too ya know, and so they also need to eat. This is why if I were a bum, I'd be all about the dollar menu at the local fast food restaurant. Seriously. Dollar menus are awesome no matter who you are, but they are doubly awesome if you are a bum.
Put together the prime locale of NYC and the dollar menu at McDonalds and you realize bums don't really have it that bad after all. Dude, people drop change all the time! All you gotta do is scrounge together $1.00, plus tax. New York City sidewalks are notorious for finding strange things, some of them even worth something. The best part is you don't need to hock your grandma's necklace to buy a Big Mac. All you need to do is be is use a soft voice and carry big pockets.
If you ask me Fiddler on the Roof spent entirely too much time talking about what they would do if they were rich men. Being a bum is where it's at.
Editor's Note: No bums were harmed in the writing of this post cause really, what bum do YOU know that has internet access?!
It really bums me out.
I mean I bitch and whine as I exaggerate the painful walk from my car to the automatic doors of Target's super store. This pales in comparison, however, to the amount of time homeless people spend on the streets.
I think about this even more now because it's winter and let's face it, winter is not the time to become a bum. In fact, if find yourself near bumdom anytime soon, you should at least try to hold off until warmer weather arrives. Bum a few buck off of someone or something. I know the tide is high, but you gotta keep holding on.
Then again, if there's one thing I learned it's all about location, location, location! That being said, bums in places like Los Angeles really don't have such a raw deal after all. How many people do you know who get excited about sleeping on the beach, watching the stars? Bums get to do that every single night, no questions asked.
If you're a bum and you can't reside in a warmer climate, or you insist on staying near "family", your next best bet would most certainly be New York City. For one thing, there are a lot of other bums in places like NYC, so in some small way, you'd have a sense of community. A warped and demented community full of lowlifes and pickpocketers, but a community nonetheless.
But there are even more reasons cities like NYC would rock to bum around in. NYC, after all, is the city that never sleeps. So you could find yourself a warm place, anytime, day or night. It's also a place you can get to on foot. This is why you find so many bums in the penthouse suite of bumship, also known as the subway.
Then there's the little issue of sustenance. Bums are people too ya know, and so they also need to eat. This is why if I were a bum, I'd be all about the dollar menu at the local fast food restaurant. Seriously. Dollar menus are awesome no matter who you are, but they are doubly awesome if you are a bum.
Put together the prime locale of NYC and the dollar menu at McDonalds and you realize bums don't really have it that bad after all. Dude, people drop change all the time! All you gotta do is scrounge together $1.00, plus tax. New York City sidewalks are notorious for finding strange things, some of them even worth something. The best part is you don't need to hock your grandma's necklace to buy a Big Mac. All you need to do is be is use a soft voice and carry big pockets.
If you ask me Fiddler on the Roof spent entirely too much time talking about what they would do if they were rich men. Being a bum is where it's at.
Editor's Note: No bums were harmed in the writing of this post cause really, what bum do YOU know that has internet access?!
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