Love Is A Battlefield
Kids, do you know what time of the week it is? Why it's go meet the new renter time! Please extend a warm welcome to my roomie, Snozzberries? Who Ever Heard Of Snozzberries? Well, I've heard of snozberries, but I had never heard of this blog. So give it gander, won't you?
With Valentine's Day all but a chocolate covered memory, I will now tell you the horrible truth; I can be a surprisingly picky card buyer.
I detest anything that is too sappy and I scoff at anything too corny. No, the card I choose has to be juuust the perfect blend of snarky, sentinmental and surreal. Witness Exhibit A. I found these at the dollar store years ago and managed to find one online to share with you now. Nothing,and I mean nothing, says devotion like a pocket full of Spader.
My first challenge this Valentine's Day season was to find the perfect card for my parents. I don't always get my parents cards for occassions like these, but as I get older, one year bleeds into the next and I find I can't remember which holidays I do, and which holidays I don't. The safest bet is just to buy one and be done with it.
Buying a card for the rents though, under any circumstances, is always a challenge. This is because most cards for parents fall under the seriously sentimental, not semi sentimental. Cards like these usually contain a randomly chosen flower on the cover, ornate writing throughout, and an equally random and ornate message inside. According to this article apparently a lot of you guys dig cards like this. For me, buying one of these cards is as uncomfortable as putting a tomboy in a dress.
As a result, I usually wind up with something overwhelmingly generic. Sometimes, if I'm feeling really snarky, I'll buy a little kid card and give it to them. This is only funny if you realize that my grandmother still gets me cards like these. Only one of us is serious about it. I'll let you guess which one.
My next challenge was to find a card for my boyfriend. For him, on Valentine's Day, I decide that one card does not say it all. So I usually end up with one sarcastically silly choice and one semi serious selection. As a Gemini, this also compliments the natural duality of my personality perfectly.
But something was amiss at card stores everywhere. Card buyers were swarming the selections like bees to honey, most of them tossing cards anywhere they could in their haste. Where do broken hearts go? On the disorderly stocked shelves of card stores everywhere, I guess.
That's when it hit me. Finding (and fighting for) the perfect Valentine's Day card is not all that different from searching for perfect love itself. In fact, the type of card you buy probably says a lot about what YOU would be like to be in a relationship with.
What Your Valentine's Day Purchases Say About You
1. If you buy the ornate, flowery, cards I was speaking of earlier, you're a romantic. You probably cry at every chick flick movie ever made. That or you are dating a girl who has you seriously whipped and you'll no doubt, be watching one of those movies later against your will.
2. If you select a card from the raunchy section of the Valentine's Day cards you're a risk taker. Chances are the "V" in Valentine's Day has taken on more than one connotation for you in the past.
3. If you desire a blank card, you're controlling and think you can handle the heartfelt message better than any greeting card writer ever could.
4. If you choose a card with some sort of animal on the cover or a card you're playful. You also most likely don't have an actual valentine right now but that's ok.
5. Finally, if a wacky valentine is your cup of tea you are sensible. You like to acknowledge holidays like these, but you also like to keep them in perspective.
Whatever you choose, whether it be in life, or in the card aisle at your local Hallmark store, my advice to you would be this: Make your selections wisely and be prepared to fight for both. It's a cruel, competitive world out there. Paper products and potential mates are no exception.
With Valentine's Day all but a chocolate covered memory, I will now tell you the horrible truth; I can be a surprisingly picky card buyer.
I detest anything that is too sappy and I scoff at anything too corny. No, the card I choose has to be juuust the perfect blend of snarky, sentinmental and surreal. Witness Exhibit A. I found these at the dollar store years ago and managed to find one online to share with you now. Nothing,and I mean nothing, says devotion like a pocket full of Spader.
My first challenge this Valentine's Day season was to find the perfect card for my parents. I don't always get my parents cards for occassions like these, but as I get older, one year bleeds into the next and I find I can't remember which holidays I do, and which holidays I don't. The safest bet is just to buy one and be done with it.
Buying a card for the rents though, under any circumstances, is always a challenge. This is because most cards for parents fall under the seriously sentimental, not semi sentimental. Cards like these usually contain a randomly chosen flower on the cover, ornate writing throughout, and an equally random and ornate message inside. According to this article apparently a lot of you guys dig cards like this. For me, buying one of these cards is as uncomfortable as putting a tomboy in a dress.
As a result, I usually wind up with something overwhelmingly generic. Sometimes, if I'm feeling really snarky, I'll buy a little kid card and give it to them. This is only funny if you realize that my grandmother still gets me cards like these. Only one of us is serious about it. I'll let you guess which one.
My next challenge was to find a card for my boyfriend. For him, on Valentine's Day, I decide that one card does not say it all. So I usually end up with one sarcastically silly choice and one semi serious selection. As a Gemini, this also compliments the natural duality of my personality perfectly.
But something was amiss at card stores everywhere. Card buyers were swarming the selections like bees to honey, most of them tossing cards anywhere they could in their haste. Where do broken hearts go? On the disorderly stocked shelves of card stores everywhere, I guess.
That's when it hit me. Finding (and fighting for) the perfect Valentine's Day card is not all that different from searching for perfect love itself. In fact, the type of card you buy probably says a lot about what YOU would be like to be in a relationship with.
What Your Valentine's Day Purchases Say About You
1. If you buy the ornate, flowery, cards I was speaking of earlier, you're a romantic. You probably cry at every chick flick movie ever made. That or you are dating a girl who has you seriously whipped and you'll no doubt, be watching one of those movies later against your will.
2. If you select a card from the raunchy section of the Valentine's Day cards you're a risk taker. Chances are the "V" in Valentine's Day has taken on more than one connotation for you in the past.
3. If you desire a blank card, you're controlling and think you can handle the heartfelt message better than any greeting card writer ever could.
4. If you choose a card with some sort of animal on the cover or a card you're playful. You also most likely don't have an actual valentine right now but that's ok.
5. Finally, if a wacky valentine is your cup of tea you are sensible. You like to acknowledge holidays like these, but you also like to keep them in perspective.
Whatever you choose, whether it be in life, or in the card aisle at your local Hallmark store, my advice to you would be this: Make your selections wisely and be prepared to fight for both. It's a cruel, competitive world out there. Paper products and potential mates are no exception.
<< Home