So, That's Why The Lady Is A Tramp!
They say everything you need to know you learned in kindergarten. Well I'm here to tell you that I also learned quite a few valuable lessons courtesy from The Golden Girls, too.
For instance, The Golden Girls taught me that wit can carry you far into the twilight years of your life. Despite what you may have heard, silliness and senility can go hand in hand. I also learned in the decade of the eighties that you can lead quite an active social life into your eighties, preferably in a tropic community with lots of wicker furniture.
But perhaps the most valuable lesson I learned from The Golden Girls was that even sans viagra, the elderly often lead quite active sex lives.
Given this information, I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised when I heard what's been happening in the senior set lately. After all, I was schooled in the sexual activity of seniors courtesy from the likes of Blanche Deveraux. But apparently for all the sexual activity of the elderly, what is still lacking is sexual responsibility. Forget hearing aids or Medicaid, more and more seniors these days are developing AIDS.
The problem, I believe lies in the misconception, or should I say, lack of contraception. See, while being a senior sometimes means a compromise of lifestyle, previewing retirement communities and endless grandchildren spoiling, there is a whole list of perks to getting older, too. For instance, not having to work anymore leaves you with more time to visit friends, family or foreign places. You also get into tons of places for half the price. And while menopause no doubt can be (or make) a bitch, seniors, by and large no longer have to worry about pregnancy scares.
But as we all know the older we get the more and more we act like children. After all, they don't call it the circle of life for nothing. So seniors have no "seniority" when it comes to safety. Times are different than when they were at their sexual peak. So many times a seventy-five year old is actually just as ignorant about sexual activity as a seventeen year old. Only thing is we are constantly trying to educate our teens but, meanwhile, no one is having a one on one, the true meaning of a "senior moment" with our seniors.
So seniors get the message that they can no longer have babies, but they have no reason to stop having sex. Unfortunately, as I see it, there are two major downfalls to this. One, monogamous seniors often lose their life partner later in life. As a result, they might end up "hooking up" with another senior, or two, or three because they are lonely and looking for companionship. It's not any different for people in different phases of their lives. Seniors might be old, but they ain't dead.
The other problem is that seniors, while getting a second chance to sow their wild oats, don't always have all their wits about them. Sure, they still have urges, but they don't necessarily have any common sense. Yes, my friends, Alzheimer's, like everything else, works in mysterious ways.
So now you have seniors with no sense having lots and lots of sex. Plus, long-term relationships are a joke considering nothing to seniors is "long-term" anymore. So seniors with AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases are instead treated quietly, with no big media hoopla surrounding the epidemic.
The way I see it, the only way to reverse the situation is to let your local senior know about the birds and the bees. Sure, speaking to grandma about things like abstinence and condoms might be at the very least, awkward, but think about how your parents felt talking to you about the exact same thing. If all else fails, find a friend who who has a sexually active senior in their midst to swap with. This way you can take a total stranger and school them on the ways of safe sex, if that's what floats your boat.
If this concept still seems a little far fetched to you, and you see most old people's courtships as cute and cuddly, consider famous seniors like Jack Nicholson walking around assisted living facilities, hitting on your grandma. Maybe then you'll see seniors for the horny bastards they can really be.
For instance, The Golden Girls taught me that wit can carry you far into the twilight years of your life. Despite what you may have heard, silliness and senility can go hand in hand. I also learned in the decade of the eighties that you can lead quite an active social life into your eighties, preferably in a tropic community with lots of wicker furniture.
But perhaps the most valuable lesson I learned from The Golden Girls was that even sans viagra, the elderly often lead quite active sex lives.
Given this information, I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised when I heard what's been happening in the senior set lately. After all, I was schooled in the sexual activity of seniors courtesy from the likes of Blanche Deveraux. But apparently for all the sexual activity of the elderly, what is still lacking is sexual responsibility. Forget hearing aids or Medicaid, more and more seniors these days are developing AIDS.
The problem, I believe lies in the misconception, or should I say, lack of contraception. See, while being a senior sometimes means a compromise of lifestyle, previewing retirement communities and endless grandchildren spoiling, there is a whole list of perks to getting older, too. For instance, not having to work anymore leaves you with more time to visit friends, family or foreign places. You also get into tons of places for half the price. And while menopause no doubt can be (or make) a bitch, seniors, by and large no longer have to worry about pregnancy scares.
But as we all know the older we get the more and more we act like children. After all, they don't call it the circle of life for nothing. So seniors have no "seniority" when it comes to safety. Times are different than when they were at their sexual peak. So many times a seventy-five year old is actually just as ignorant about sexual activity as a seventeen year old. Only thing is we are constantly trying to educate our teens but, meanwhile, no one is having a one on one, the true meaning of a "senior moment" with our seniors.
So seniors get the message that they can no longer have babies, but they have no reason to stop having sex. Unfortunately, as I see it, there are two major downfalls to this. One, monogamous seniors often lose their life partner later in life. As a result, they might end up "hooking up" with another senior, or two, or three because they are lonely and looking for companionship. It's not any different for people in different phases of their lives. Seniors might be old, but they ain't dead.
The other problem is that seniors, while getting a second chance to sow their wild oats, don't always have all their wits about them. Sure, they still have urges, but they don't necessarily have any common sense. Yes, my friends, Alzheimer's, like everything else, works in mysterious ways.
So now you have seniors with no sense having lots and lots of sex. Plus, long-term relationships are a joke considering nothing to seniors is "long-term" anymore. So seniors with AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases are instead treated quietly, with no big media hoopla surrounding the epidemic.
The way I see it, the only way to reverse the situation is to let your local senior know about the birds and the bees. Sure, speaking to grandma about things like abstinence and condoms might be at the very least, awkward, but think about how your parents felt talking to you about the exact same thing. If all else fails, find a friend who who has a sexually active senior in their midst to swap with. This way you can take a total stranger and school them on the ways of safe sex, if that's what floats your boat.
If this concept still seems a little far fetched to you, and you see most old people's courtships as cute and cuddly, consider famous seniors like Jack Nicholson walking around assisted living facilities, hitting on your grandma. Maybe then you'll see seniors for the horny bastards they can really be.
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