My Pillows Are In The Freezer

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This...guest post courtesy of Catherine

Warning: This is a gross story that could cause sleeplessness. Don't say I didn't warn you.

There was an article in last Sunday's paper about pillows, and how some people become so attached to their pillow that they can't sleep without it. There was this 45 year old man who still slept with the same pillow he had used in his childhood. Before he got married, he told his wife that she could never get rid of that pillow. When he traveled for business, he took his pillow with him. Frankly, I thought this was not only extreme, but ridiculous. Plus I wondered why anybody would bother to write an article about something so stupid. And then why the paper would feature it as the cover story in the Home section, with a big graphic of a pillow.

But I kept reading anyway. And here's where the trouble began. The author then explained what the problems were with keeping the same pillow and why you should change it frequently. The paraphrase is something like this: "Your pillow is, in fact, the dirtiest place in your house. It is filled with dust mites that reproduce on a daily basis. That's why it's important to buy new pillows, and to wrap them in a hypo allergenic cover. If you are so attached to your pillow that you can't part with it, the only other thing you can do is put the pillow in the freezer. This will freeze the dust mites, interrupt the food chain, and prevent their reproduction."

WHAT???? That's what's going on in my pillow??? My mind was then obsessed by this vision of a high school biology movie, with a zoomed in version of all these disgusting, multi-legged little dust mites crawling around inside my pillow, fighting for scraps of 'food', like the ants you can watch in the summertime carrying crumbs on their backs from a picnic site.

Then I started thinking about the 'food', which isn't really food, of course, it's really me. Or microscopic pieces of me. And the whole thing was just grossing me out. I tried to forget about it by reading some other stupid articles in the paper about how J Lo had decorated her house. Except I couldn't really get it out of my mind. I wondered if J Lo had dust mites in her pillows, and if the dust mites realized how lucky they were because they were eating J Lo skin particles.

Now, this article was in last Sunday's paper. I have not been able to sleep well ever since. When I get into bed to get all snuggled and comfortable, I think about my head on my pillow. And then I start thinking about those dust mites, and then I can't sleep. Well, I eventually do sleep, but then I wake up in the middle of the night with a stuffy nose. And I wonder if my nose is stuffy because of those damn dust mites. Are they up my nose? And then I can't sleep.

So this morning, I had reached my limit with this ridiculous obsession about these damn dust mites. This was it; I was declaring war. I carried the pillows downstairs to the upright freezer. (Yes, Jagman, if you are reading this, your pillow is in the freezer. It's been in there for four hours.)

Now, I don't really know how long they are supposed to stay in the freezer, or what condition they will be in when I remove them. Will they be frozen? Will they have to thaw out? Will they be wet once they thaw out?

I don't know. All I know is that I had to stop the food chain for the reproduction of those dust mites so I can sleep through the night tonight.

I feel sorry for that 45 year old man featured in the article. He's probably in therapy now after reading the printed version of the story. Can you imagine? He's interviewed about how much he loves his pillow and thinks it's going to be this warm & fuzzy story about people's pillows and blankies, and instead, now he's haunted by dust mite nightmares. Now he can't sleep with his pillow or without it. I bet he freezes his pillow too!