Write Back Weekend "Exit Stage Left"
When I asked the question, Whose time do you think is up in Hollywood? I always assumed I'd get some answers we'd all agree upon. What I didn't expect, however, was to get no answers at all. Zilch.
While some of you half-heartedly contributed to the cause via the comments, no one took the plunge and wrote a full on post about the matter. Up until now, neither had I.
Come to think of it, when it came time to make my selections, I pondered how different this list would be depending on when I wrote it. Looking back on things, I would have loved to have had a crystal ball to know if time would ultimately run out on a few key selections. For instance, I would have hoped by now time would be up for people like Antonio Bandaras, Keanu Reeves or David Hasselhoff, just to name a few. Unfortunately, time isn't completely on my side. On the other hand, God answered my prayers by seemingly extinguishing the careers of people like Sean Young, Shania Twain, Melissa Joan Hart and yes, finally even William Hung.
But the past is the past and the present is the present. All we can do now is look forward towards the future. So here are, appropriately, fifteen folks whose fifteen minutes are up, in of course, no particular order.
1. Britney Spears- When Britney Spears first started "singing" I was cool with her. I was well aware she didn't come across as the sharpest tool in the shed and she probably didn't have a talent for doing much than being cute, but she was harmless enough. I tagged her as the nineties Debbie Gibson or Tiffany (although if I'm being honest, given me either Gibson OR Tiffany over Spears any day). This, however, was before up was down and left was right and she somehow, someway... took over the world. As if that wasn't enough, it got even more ridiculous when her white trash train derailed Oops, again and again and...again. Stop please, I want to get off.
2. Paris Hilton- While I'm not quite sure I ever knew what Britney's actual talent ever was, I know for sure I still don't know what the deal with Paris is. Someone help me understand this please? She takes "being talented for doing absolutely nothing" to an all time high. She's almost as bad as regular reality stars, plucked from obscurity who now think the world owes them something. Almost. She's Hollywood's answer, however, to when nepotism goes bad. Not to mention she looks like a bird, but I just did.
3. Nicole Richie- Take everything I said above, minus the bird thing and multiply it by a thousand. Now you have my feelings for Nicole Richie, too.
4. Kelly Ripa- When Regis was paired with Kathie Lee Gifford (another prayer since answered) I seriously thought no duo could be more annoying. And yes, while Regis is annoying by himself sometimes, the combination of him and his female counterparts (his wife Joy excluded) are like too much of a bad thing. So I was relieved when Kathie Lee was replaced by the daytime soap star, perky Kelly Ripa. But then something weird happened. She became annoying, too, and SO SELF OBSESSED. In fact the more she acts like she isn't into herself, the more she proves the contray. It's gotten so bad that I can't honestly say who would win a more annoying contest, Kathie Lee or Kelly. Maybe it's a K thing or a Regis thing. I can't decide. He just might bring out the worst in people.
5. Dustin Diamond- If I'm being fair, most would say Dustin "Screech" Diamond's fifteen minutes ended simultaneously with his Saved By The Bell years. Unfortunately, no one told Dustin this. First he tried to get people to give him money via the internet. Then when that didn't work, he made a porno and acted like it was "no big deal and he never wanted it to get out". Riight. The last pathetic straw was his part in the latest Celebrity Fit Club addition, playing the role of the argumentative, overweight bad ass, not the skinny geek we all once knew and loved. Sorry Screech, sometimes the past should just stay in...the past.
6. David and Victoria Beckham- Listen, I acknowledge the fact that both David and Victoria are good looking people. I'll even go one step further and say that I'm certain that David is very good at playing soccer or looking good, or looking good playing soccer, whatever comes first. Victoria on the other hand, is just good at looking good at good looking David Beckham. I mean really, she's a former Spice Girl for Pete's Sake and not even the (gulp) MOST TALENTED ONE! How can I take her seriously?! All I'm saying is former members of girl groups like that are supposed to be properly collecting dust on proverbial spice racks somewhere. It's for the greater good.
7. Eva Longoria- When Desperate Housewives first came on the air I remember thinking that Eva Longoria was a pretty woman, or at least a woman who looked good in a fantastic array of velour track suits. But the more I looked at her, the less pretty she started to seem to me. Suddenly, she just seemed like an average woman who would look really pretty if she was one of your friends, just like with the Desperate Housewives gang. Oddly enough, as this was going on in my world, in Eva's world she was operating under a different vibe. The public was starting to think Eva was great and really, who was Eva to argue? Now there's stories of diva like behaviors and demanding of high salaries for movies that have yet to be made. Please world, deliver yourselves from the clutches of Eva.
8. Kelsey Grammer- I took Mojo's...mojo on this one. If you look up the words "One Lucky Son Of A Bitch" in the dictionary, I'm pretty certain you'll find Kelsey Grammer's picture. Ever since his Cheers days I haven't the foggiest idea what this man's appeal is. If I'm being honest, I've seen old footage of Kelsey, pre Cheers and receding hair line. Now that Kelsey I can deal with. But that's not the Kelsey that became famous. Frasier was a good character I guess amongst the others on Cheers. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine him pulling his own weight in a sitcom of his own and for nine years no less!
9. Marilyn Manson- While the success of all fifteen of these people irritate me, the one that gets under my skin the most is Marilyn Manson. If you've ever seen a video of Manson's or really, heard anything about him, ever you'd know he comes across as one sick dude. But then you hear him talk and amazingly, he often doesn't come across that way at all. He comes across instead as a relatively intelligent and rationale guy who just happens to be into shocking and aweing the American public. Call me crazy, but that annoys me more than anything else. Here's a smart guy who had the power to do good, but instead he's created a character that low self esteemed teenagers can wrongfully choose to emulate. Wake up kids, Manson's not your savior. He's just a man out to make a buck.
10. Ant- There are a lot of good comedians out there. Simply put, Ant isn't one of them. What's more frustrating is that you never see any of the supposed winners of any season of Last Comic Standing. Meanwhile there's Ant, who didn't win season two by the way, who I can't seem to get rid of! And no, it's not because he's gay that he's not funny. It's because any comedian who only does humor about their station in life is what I call "selectively funny". If Dave Chappelle only did jokes about African Americans I'd say the same thing. If Roseanne only talked about being overweight (which I know she did a lot) I'd also feel the same way. The same goes for Jeff Foxworthy's being a redneck. Wait, he does only talk about that. Never mind.
11. Jericho- Since I've already spewed my feelings about Jericho on this blog I will only say this to recap, there are so many good TV shows out there that barely get five good seconds of air time. Jericho, on all shows, meanwhile gets a second chance. Where's the fairness there?
12. The Cast of Seinfeld- I know I'll take heat for this one, but there's always at least one inclusion on my list that requires me to get out of the kitchen. Here's my feelings about all things Seinfeld. I just don't get it. I know, I know, how could I not get it, especially given my sense of humor. I guess you could say I just never thought it was that funny. And the only thing less funny than the cast of Seinfeld I learned, is each one of them, sold separately.
13. The Jessicas: Alba and Biel- I don't mean to be a hater, but every generation has their share of hot chicks who stand there and look good, but they're not good for much else. Enter Jessica Alba and Jessica Beil. It's hard to say which one is more useless cause at this point, it's really anyone's game. Alba wins in the hotness category, while Beil takes the lead in the actual acting. Where either one of them will be in five years? Not being blogged about. At least, one can only hope.
14. Zac Efron- I don't dislike Zac so much as I don't really like Zac. I mean don't get me wrong, he's held his own in the High School Musical franchise and seems to be carving out a niche for himself in the genre, now appearing in Hairspray, too. But given all the dreamy pin up boys of the past, I just feel that Zac pales in comparison. I also don't know how well he's going to age. I do know, however, that my third grade students would kill me for saying so.
15. Anna Nicole Smith- As sad as it sounds, I couldn't write a list like this without including someone that the public simply will not let go of, though time has indicated they definitely do otherwise. While many celebrities fit the bill here, the most appropo (and current) is the late Anna Nicole Smith. I never understood America's obsession with this woman. She was hot years ago, I'll give you that, but overshadowing her old school hotness is an overwhelming sadness. I alternate between feeling sorry for her and feeling sick for her.
Either way, I ended the list with her because she's the one everyone truly needs to let go of and let rest in peace, literally.
While some of you half-heartedly contributed to the cause via the comments, no one took the plunge and wrote a full on post about the matter. Up until now, neither had I.
Come to think of it, when it came time to make my selections, I pondered how different this list would be depending on when I wrote it. Looking back on things, I would have loved to have had a crystal ball to know if time would ultimately run out on a few key selections. For instance, I would have hoped by now time would be up for people like Antonio Bandaras, Keanu Reeves or David Hasselhoff, just to name a few. Unfortunately, time isn't completely on my side. On the other hand, God answered my prayers by seemingly extinguishing the careers of people like Sean Young, Shania Twain, Melissa Joan Hart and yes, finally even William Hung.
But the past is the past and the present is the present. All we can do now is look forward towards the future. So here are, appropriately, fifteen folks whose fifteen minutes are up, in of course, no particular order.
1. Britney Spears- When Britney Spears first started "singing" I was cool with her. I was well aware she didn't come across as the sharpest tool in the shed and she probably didn't have a talent for doing much than being cute, but she was harmless enough. I tagged her as the nineties Debbie Gibson or Tiffany (although if I'm being honest, given me either Gibson OR Tiffany over Spears any day). This, however, was before up was down and left was right and she somehow, someway... took over the world. As if that wasn't enough, it got even more ridiculous when her white trash train derailed Oops, again and again and...again. Stop please, I want to get off.
2. Paris Hilton- While I'm not quite sure I ever knew what Britney's actual talent ever was, I know for sure I still don't know what the deal with Paris is. Someone help me understand this please? She takes "being talented for doing absolutely nothing" to an all time high. She's almost as bad as regular reality stars, plucked from obscurity who now think the world owes them something. Almost. She's Hollywood's answer, however, to when nepotism goes bad. Not to mention she looks like a bird, but I just did.
3. Nicole Richie- Take everything I said above, minus the bird thing and multiply it by a thousand. Now you have my feelings for Nicole Richie, too.
4. Kelly Ripa- When Regis was paired with Kathie Lee Gifford (another prayer since answered) I seriously thought no duo could be more annoying. And yes, while Regis is annoying by himself sometimes, the combination of him and his female counterparts (his wife Joy excluded) are like too much of a bad thing. So I was relieved when Kathie Lee was replaced by the daytime soap star, perky Kelly Ripa. But then something weird happened. She became annoying, too, and SO SELF OBSESSED. In fact the more she acts like she isn't into herself, the more she proves the contray. It's gotten so bad that I can't honestly say who would win a more annoying contest, Kathie Lee or Kelly. Maybe it's a K thing or a Regis thing. I can't decide. He just might bring out the worst in people.
5. Dustin Diamond- If I'm being fair, most would say Dustin "Screech" Diamond's fifteen minutes ended simultaneously with his Saved By The Bell years. Unfortunately, no one told Dustin this. First he tried to get people to give him money via the internet. Then when that didn't work, he made a porno and acted like it was "no big deal and he never wanted it to get out". Riight. The last pathetic straw was his part in the latest Celebrity Fit Club addition, playing the role of the argumentative, overweight bad ass, not the skinny geek we all once knew and loved. Sorry Screech, sometimes the past should just stay in...the past.
6. David and Victoria Beckham- Listen, I acknowledge the fact that both David and Victoria are good looking people. I'll even go one step further and say that I'm certain that David is very good at playing soccer or looking good, or looking good playing soccer, whatever comes first. Victoria on the other hand, is just good at looking good at good looking David Beckham. I mean really, she's a former Spice Girl for Pete's Sake and not even the (gulp) MOST TALENTED ONE! How can I take her seriously?! All I'm saying is former members of girl groups like that are supposed to be properly collecting dust on proverbial spice racks somewhere. It's for the greater good.
7. Eva Longoria- When Desperate Housewives first came on the air I remember thinking that Eva Longoria was a pretty woman, or at least a woman who looked good in a fantastic array of velour track suits. But the more I looked at her, the less pretty she started to seem to me. Suddenly, she just seemed like an average woman who would look really pretty if she was one of your friends, just like with the Desperate Housewives gang. Oddly enough, as this was going on in my world, in Eva's world she was operating under a different vibe. The public was starting to think Eva was great and really, who was Eva to argue? Now there's stories of diva like behaviors and demanding of high salaries for movies that have yet to be made. Please world, deliver yourselves from the clutches of Eva.
8. Kelsey Grammer- I took Mojo's...mojo on this one. If you look up the words "One Lucky Son Of A Bitch" in the dictionary, I'm pretty certain you'll find Kelsey Grammer's picture. Ever since his Cheers days I haven't the foggiest idea what this man's appeal is. If I'm being honest, I've seen old footage of Kelsey, pre Cheers and receding hair line. Now that Kelsey I can deal with. But that's not the Kelsey that became famous. Frasier was a good character I guess amongst the others on Cheers. But never in my wildest dreams did I imagine him pulling his own weight in a sitcom of his own and for nine years no less!
9. Marilyn Manson- While the success of all fifteen of these people irritate me, the one that gets under my skin the most is Marilyn Manson. If you've ever seen a video of Manson's or really, heard anything about him, ever you'd know he comes across as one sick dude. But then you hear him talk and amazingly, he often doesn't come across that way at all. He comes across instead as a relatively intelligent and rationale guy who just happens to be into shocking and aweing the American public. Call me crazy, but that annoys me more than anything else. Here's a smart guy who had the power to do good, but instead he's created a character that low self esteemed teenagers can wrongfully choose to emulate. Wake up kids, Manson's not your savior. He's just a man out to make a buck.
10. Ant- There are a lot of good comedians out there. Simply put, Ant isn't one of them. What's more frustrating is that you never see any of the supposed winners of any season of Last Comic Standing. Meanwhile there's Ant, who didn't win season two by the way, who I can't seem to get rid of! And no, it's not because he's gay that he's not funny. It's because any comedian who only does humor about their station in life is what I call "selectively funny". If Dave Chappelle only did jokes about African Americans I'd say the same thing. If Roseanne only talked about being overweight (which I know she did a lot) I'd also feel the same way. The same goes for Jeff Foxworthy's being a redneck. Wait, he does only talk about that. Never mind.
11. Jericho- Since I've already spewed my feelings about Jericho on this blog I will only say this to recap, there are so many good TV shows out there that barely get five good seconds of air time. Jericho, on all shows, meanwhile gets a second chance. Where's the fairness there?
12. The Cast of Seinfeld- I know I'll take heat for this one, but there's always at least one inclusion on my list that requires me to get out of the kitchen. Here's my feelings about all things Seinfeld. I just don't get it. I know, I know, how could I not get it, especially given my sense of humor. I guess you could say I just never thought it was that funny. And the only thing less funny than the cast of Seinfeld I learned, is each one of them, sold separately.
13. The Jessicas: Alba and Biel- I don't mean to be a hater, but every generation has their share of hot chicks who stand there and look good, but they're not good for much else. Enter Jessica Alba and Jessica Beil. It's hard to say which one is more useless cause at this point, it's really anyone's game. Alba wins in the hotness category, while Beil takes the lead in the actual acting. Where either one of them will be in five years? Not being blogged about. At least, one can only hope.
14. Zac Efron- I don't dislike Zac so much as I don't really like Zac. I mean don't get me wrong, he's held his own in the High School Musical franchise and seems to be carving out a niche for himself in the genre, now appearing in Hairspray, too. But given all the dreamy pin up boys of the past, I just feel that Zac pales in comparison. I also don't know how well he's going to age. I do know, however, that my third grade students would kill me for saying so.
15. Anna Nicole Smith- As sad as it sounds, I couldn't write a list like this without including someone that the public simply will not let go of, though time has indicated they definitely do otherwise. While many celebrities fit the bill here, the most appropo (and current) is the late Anna Nicole Smith. I never understood America's obsession with this woman. She was hot years ago, I'll give you that, but overshadowing her old school hotness is an overwhelming sadness. I alternate between feeling sorry for her and feeling sick for her.
Either way, I ended the list with her because she's the one everyone truly needs to let go of and let rest in peace, literally.
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