Lost In Translation
Sometimes I think about how much it must suck trying to learn a new language.
I mean I kind've know how these people feel. I took French for 6 years and one semester in college. When all was said and done, I can tell you very little vocabulary, can read nothing and can't write in French no matter how many times you say si vous plait.
But there comes a point, no matter who you are or where you are living, that even I must say enough is enough. For instance, if you've been living (or working) in France for years you should, at the very least, know how to say Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir? If you've been in America for awhile you should know how to say certain key phrases such as Where is the bathroom?, I'll have the chicken and Evening, officer.
This is why it continually amazes me how Hollywood stars get by on being debonair, not by learning dialect. I mean they have personal coaches that can help speed up the process. You and I have that, too. Only ours come with fun titles like Learn English in 1,2,3!
Hollywood stars, meanwhile, have an actual, live person helping them along. This is also, by the way, precisely the same reason I used to get mad that when many teen stars got accepted to Ivy league colleges. They were never smarter people. If you had a one on one coach teaching you how to classify triangles, you'd seem like a genius, too.
There are Latin stars like Antonio Banderas who annoy the hell out of me, but my real beef is with Salma Hayek from Mexico and Penelope Cruz, from Spain. People confuse them all the time. I can't see why but just for fun, let's clear this up now. Salma is the pretty one. They also come from completely different countries. Thinking otherwise reminds me of this great part from the movie, Clueless.
Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.
Lucy: [storms off]
Cher: Great, what was that all about?
Josh: Lucy's from El Salvador.
Cher: So?
Josh: So, it's an entirely different country.
Cher: What does that matter?
Josh: You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset.
But back to Penelope and Salma. They may have dual citizenship, they may not. All I know is that they have both been acting in America for years, yet their accents seemingly remain as thick as the day they first set foot on a soundtage. I mean, what is up with that? Donnie Wahlberg used to be a straight up cat from Boston, but even he took a class or two to bring it down a notch.
Perhaps the biggest offenders, however, are the king and queen of No Comprende, the Spanish born Charo and the Austrian born Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Let's start with Charo, shall we? Charo has been acting in America since the 1960's with a career spanning five, count 'em uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco decades now. Yet somehow, despite all the Love Boat and Fantasy Island appearances we are expected to believe that Coochie! Coochie! Is the best her English is ever going to get?! Come. On. Now. I don't buy it. It was cute, for the first decade and a half. You, bumbling and stammering your way through stringing a sentence together, not unlike the way a three year old does. Since then though, it's just been annoying. By the way, Bjork, take out a pen and paper cause this segment of the post is also for YOU.
Then we have Arnold, excuse me AHHnold. Arnold started his career as a body builder who happened to fall into movies who happened to fall into becoming Governor of California. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Though Arnold's career path has grown and blossomed, one thing has remained the same; Arnold's incoherent speech pattern.
Now I've never been to Austria but I'd like to think that if I lived there for 20 plus years I'd start to take on a little but of their mannerisms. Not Arnold. He's Austrian through and through, except for the governing of a US State, that is. Just count your lucky stars he can't run the whole country or no one would have a clue what he was saying. Then again, that wouldn't be all that different from what we have now, would it?
But for every Salma, Penelope, Charo and Arnold on the horizon, there are those that go and do the exact opposite. I'm talking about American born actors who wake up one day think they are from another country. Performers like Chicago born Billy Zane, Michigan raised Madonna and California girl, Gwenyth Paltrow. I choose to list all of these three at the same time because they all suffer from the same, horrible epidemic: American born actors who believe they are British, or Brimericans. It's a sad affliction really, that fortunately, only affects a low percentage of the acting population.
Of course, there is always hope. For every foreign star who butchers the English language, there are those that reinvent themselves to sound American without a trace of their ancestory to be found. English character actors Bob Hoskins and John Mahoney have been doing this for years now. Lately, another inconspicously English actor has gotten in on the act, Hugh Laurie. You might have even seen Irish actor Jonathan Rhys-Meyers strut his stuff as the Memphis born Elvis or Australian actress Judy Davis portray Minnesota sweetheart, Judy Garland and never have suspected otherwise had I not told you.
In fact, for years, it's been the Brits, the Australians and the Irish that have amazed me. Hell, even Phil Collins intrigues me. How that man, and many others like them, sound American when they sing, and British when they do everything else has gotta be like, the eighth wonder of the world.
So in conclusion, if you're an actor or actress that's been in America awhile now, get the broken English fixed already, won't ya?
I mean I kind've know how these people feel. I took French for 6 years and one semester in college. When all was said and done, I can tell you very little vocabulary, can read nothing and can't write in French no matter how many times you say si vous plait.
But there comes a point, no matter who you are or where you are living, that even I must say enough is enough. For instance, if you've been living (or working) in France for years you should, at the very least, know how to say Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir? If you've been in America for awhile you should know how to say certain key phrases such as Where is the bathroom?, I'll have the chicken and Evening, officer.
This is why it continually amazes me how Hollywood stars get by on being debonair, not by learning dialect. I mean they have personal coaches that can help speed up the process. You and I have that, too. Only ours come with fun titles like Learn English in 1,2,3!
Hollywood stars, meanwhile, have an actual, live person helping them along. This is also, by the way, precisely the same reason I used to get mad that when many teen stars got accepted to Ivy league colleges. They were never smarter people. If you had a one on one coach teaching you how to classify triangles, you'd seem like a genius, too.
There are Latin stars like Antonio Banderas who annoy the hell out of me, but my real beef is with Salma Hayek from Mexico and Penelope Cruz, from Spain. People confuse them all the time. I can't see why but just for fun, let's clear this up now. Salma is the pretty one. They also come from completely different countries. Thinking otherwise reminds me of this great part from the movie, Clueless.
Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it.
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him.
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican.
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN.
Lucy: [storms off]
Cher: Great, what was that all about?
Josh: Lucy's from El Salvador.
Cher: So?
Josh: So, it's an entirely different country.
Cher: What does that matter?
Josh: You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset.
But back to Penelope and Salma. They may have dual citizenship, they may not. All I know is that they have both been acting in America for years, yet their accents seemingly remain as thick as the day they first set foot on a soundtage. I mean, what is up with that? Donnie Wahlberg used to be a straight up cat from Boston, but even he took a class or two to bring it down a notch.
Perhaps the biggest offenders, however, are the king and queen of No Comprende, the Spanish born Charo and the Austrian born Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Let's start with Charo, shall we? Charo has been acting in America since the 1960's with a career spanning five, count 'em uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco decades now. Yet somehow, despite all the Love Boat and Fantasy Island appearances we are expected to believe that Coochie! Coochie! Is the best her English is ever going to get?! Come. On. Now. I don't buy it. It was cute, for the first decade and a half. You, bumbling and stammering your way through stringing a sentence together, not unlike the way a three year old does. Since then though, it's just been annoying. By the way, Bjork, take out a pen and paper cause this segment of the post is also for YOU.
Then we have Arnold, excuse me AHHnold. Arnold started his career as a body builder who happened to fall into movies who happened to fall into becoming Governor of California. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Though Arnold's career path has grown and blossomed, one thing has remained the same; Arnold's incoherent speech pattern.
Now I've never been to Austria but I'd like to think that if I lived there for 20 plus years I'd start to take on a little but of their mannerisms. Not Arnold. He's Austrian through and through, except for the governing of a US State, that is. Just count your lucky stars he can't run the whole country or no one would have a clue what he was saying. Then again, that wouldn't be all that different from what we have now, would it?
But for every Salma, Penelope, Charo and Arnold on the horizon, there are those that go and do the exact opposite. I'm talking about American born actors who wake up one day think they are from another country. Performers like Chicago born Billy Zane, Michigan raised Madonna and California girl, Gwenyth Paltrow. I choose to list all of these three at the same time because they all suffer from the same, horrible epidemic: American born actors who believe they are British, or Brimericans. It's a sad affliction really, that fortunately, only affects a low percentage of the acting population.
Of course, there is always hope. For every foreign star who butchers the English language, there are those that reinvent themselves to sound American without a trace of their ancestory to be found. English character actors Bob Hoskins and John Mahoney have been doing this for years now. Lately, another inconspicously English actor has gotten in on the act, Hugh Laurie. You might have even seen Irish actor Jonathan Rhys-Meyers strut his stuff as the Memphis born Elvis or Australian actress Judy Davis portray Minnesota sweetheart, Judy Garland and never have suspected otherwise had I not told you.
In fact, for years, it's been the Brits, the Australians and the Irish that have amazed me. Hell, even Phil Collins intrigues me. How that man, and many others like them, sound American when they sing, and British when they do everything else has gotta be like, the eighth wonder of the world.
So in conclusion, if you're an actor or actress that's been in America awhile now, get the broken English fixed already, won't ya?
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