Guest Post: February Demoted
Before I introduce this week's guest blogger, I would like you to point your browsers to Heather Anne's blog. She is having a blogging contest called The Hoagies. It even has a Thanksgiving day theme. If that doesn't entice you to gobble hobble on over, I don't know what will.
Today's guest poster has been very patient. That's because he submitted this guest post months ago when I actually asked for them. Only since I had such a strong response I told him that I would probably post it as part of guest post Thursdays in October. Luckily I was able to keep that promise.
MCF, the guest blogger in question, is not only a good blogging friend for filling in for me, he's also honestly, one of my favorite bloggers to read. He always writes lengthy, thought provoking posts that keep readers on their toes, or typers at their keys, so to speak.
Just a friendly reminder while I'm on the subject of guest posts. After next week the well has run dry. So if you like guest post Thursdays, get off your bottoms and do something about it! Submit a guest post to me, pronto. It can be something old, new borrowed or blue. It doesn't matter. Just get to it!
U.S.A., EARTH-Following the recent demotion of Pluto, scientists can now turn their attention to yet another anomaly unworthy of its classification: the month of February.
Much like Pluto, February is smaller than its brethren. "30 days hath September, April, June and November," recites physicist Sameer Delgaard, "and all the rest have 31, save February? How can you designate it a month? It's too small!" Delgaard, a leading scientist in the movement to retract February's month-hood, goes on to point out the leap year exception, how every four years February swells from 28 days to 29, much the way Pluto's inconsistent orbit would at times make it the eighth celestial body from the sun rather than the ninth. "It does confuse my students," admits Janet B., a teacher from New Jersey, "I'm just happy when they find the classroom."
How does one solve a problem like February? Currently, there are several proposed solutions. Dr. Cornelius Zaius postulates that February, in its unstable condition, is actually a field of non-time, and should be treated as such. Work and all activities should cease during the proposed blank page of the calendar, since the month would no longer exist. Life, and reality, would resume once the page could safely be turned to March, leaving the void behind. But Zaius is in the minority, and Delgaard and his team point out the dangers of such a change. 'Non-time is something we should not be messing with. It would be like creating a black hole. The singularity would not be measurable with a blank page, and we would not know when to turn such a page. We could be trapped in Non-time forever!"
Instead, they would divide February's days among the surviving months. First, the quartet of 30-day months would each receive a day, placing them on equal ground with the remaining seven. Then, each of the 11 months would gain two more days, bringing the count to 33 apiece. The problem these scientists are now wrestling with is what to do with the leftover two days, as well as the leap year day. Currently, they're trying to crack an equation that will break down the extra days into hours and distribute them evenly. Some are considering simply assigning an extra day to two of the months and pretending leap year doesn't exist. "33 days hath every month save June and July, which hath 34!" quips a jubilant Delgaard. Summer would benefit from an extra two days. However, critics of this proposal point out the fact that Valentine's Day falls in the month of February, and that all proposals to abolish the month are simply a thinly veiled attempt by scientists to eradicate a painful reminder of the fact that none of them have girlfriends.
Professor Norman B. Norbertson, of the University of St. Satiricalguestpost, is pushing to keep the month, but reclassify it as a "dwarf month". It would be renamed Smarch, a reference to a classic Simspons Episode. "Many of my students are loveless geeks," points out the Professor. "A dwarf month named after an obscure Simpsons reference? Think of the role-playing games and the substitute holidays they could create!" We'll continue to monitor this story as it develops. Unavailable for comment were outraged parents, Pope Gregory XIII and the day, Monday.
Today's guest poster has been very patient. That's because he submitted this guest post months ago when I actually asked for them. Only since I had such a strong response I told him that I would probably post it as part of guest post Thursdays in October. Luckily I was able to keep that promise.
MCF, the guest blogger in question, is not only a good blogging friend for filling in for me, he's also honestly, one of my favorite bloggers to read. He always writes lengthy, thought provoking posts that keep readers on their toes, or typers at their keys, so to speak.
Just a friendly reminder while I'm on the subject of guest posts. After next week the well has run dry. So if you like guest post Thursdays, get off your bottoms and do something about it! Submit a guest post to me, pronto. It can be something old, new borrowed or blue. It doesn't matter. Just get to it!
Much like Pluto, February is smaller than its brethren. "30 days hath September, April, June and November," recites physicist Sameer Delgaard, "and all the rest have 31, save February? How can you designate it a month? It's too small!" Delgaard, a leading scientist in the movement to retract February's month-hood, goes on to point out the leap year exception, how every four years February swells from 28 days to 29, much the way Pluto's inconsistent orbit would at times make it the eighth celestial body from the sun rather than the ninth. "It does confuse my students," admits Janet B., a teacher from New Jersey, "I'm just happy when they find the classroom."
How does one solve a problem like February? Currently, there are several proposed solutions. Dr. Cornelius Zaius postulates that February, in its unstable condition, is actually a field of non-time, and should be treated as such. Work and all activities should cease during the proposed blank page of the calendar, since the month would no longer exist. Life, and reality, would resume once the page could safely be turned to March, leaving the void behind. But Zaius is in the minority, and Delgaard and his team point out the dangers of such a change. 'Non-time is something we should not be messing with. It would be like creating a black hole. The singularity would not be measurable with a blank page, and we would not know when to turn such a page. We could be trapped in Non-time forever!"
Instead, they would divide February's days among the surviving months. First, the quartet of 30-day months would each receive a day, placing them on equal ground with the remaining seven. Then, each of the 11 months would gain two more days, bringing the count to 33 apiece. The problem these scientists are now wrestling with is what to do with the leftover two days, as well as the leap year day. Currently, they're trying to crack an equation that will break down the extra days into hours and distribute them evenly. Some are considering simply assigning an extra day to two of the months and pretending leap year doesn't exist. "33 days hath every month save June and July, which hath 34!" quips a jubilant Delgaard. Summer would benefit from an extra two days. However, critics of this proposal point out the fact that Valentine's Day falls in the month of February, and that all proposals to abolish the month are simply a thinly veiled attempt by scientists to eradicate a painful reminder of the fact that none of them have girlfriends.
Professor Norman B. Norbertson, of the University of St. Satiricalguestpost, is pushing to keep the month, but reclassify it as a "dwarf month". It would be renamed Smarch, a reference to a classic Simspons Episode. "Many of my students are loveless geeks," points out the Professor. "A dwarf month named after an obscure Simpsons reference? Think of the role-playing games and the substitute holidays they could create!" We'll continue to monitor this story as it develops. Unavailable for comment were outraged parents, Pope Gregory XIII and the day, Monday.
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