Guest Post: R.O.C.K. In The U.S.A.

My new renter is Robin from the recently redesigned (and cleverly titled) The Road Less Unraveled. As always, it was hard making a decision. In the end I went with Robin because she is a frequent visitor of AOGB, not just someone passing through. Cause let's face it, many potential rentees are "flashes in the pans" these days. Even better than this, I'm a regular reader of her site as well. If you check her out, I hope you'll feel the same way.

Now we've come to today's guest post. It comes to us courtesy of the wonderful Mr. Fab of Pointless Drivel. He makes much ado about nothing look brilliant. I love that in a blogger.

Yeah, that's right, I'm guest posting today. Don't you dare skip to another blog. Just because I'm not Janet, doesn’t mean I don't have anything worthwhile to say.

Well, okay, I may not have anything worthwhile to say, but it isn't because I'm not Janet. There are a whole host of reasons why I have nothing to offer.

Janet lives in New Jersey. I live in Florida. That got me to thinking. New Jersey generally is not thought of as a nice place to live. It conjures up images of factories, refineries, smog, mob killings...I mean, their nickname is the Garden State, but we mostly think of that as being ironic, don't we?

And Florida, well, Florida is generally thought of as a desirable place to live. Sun, surf, beaches, bikini girls and bronzed gods, amusement parks…come to Florida, the streets are paved with gold!

Well, Florida is not paradise. I mean, I love it here, and don't plan to ever leave. But you have to take the good with the bad. Hurricanes, tourists, humidity, roving packs of rogue alligators roaming the streets terrorizing entire trailer parks...

So sometimes all is not as it seems. Now let's go back and revisit New Jersey. No wait, New Jersey is a dump. Okay, bad example.

Which state do you think is the best to live in? I know everyone is different, and people have different likes and dislikes and needs and desires, but overall, if you had their choice, where would you choose to live? Are you happy where you are, or would you prefer to live somewhere else?

Every state has good points and bad points. I guess it just depends on what your priorities are.

If you love to be outdoors and you like to hunt, fish, hike, etc. then Maine might be the place for you. On the other hand, the death toll racked up in Stephen King novels teaches us that you stand a pretty good chance to be a homicide victim at the hands of a vampire or giant spider if you move up there.

Massachusetts has a lot of top flight colleges and high-tech industry. Boston is a vibrant city, and for natural beauty and a culture packed summer season you can't beat the Berkshires in the west. On the other hand, it is only a matter of time before you get sexually harassed by a Kennedy.

Maybe you want to get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city life. What about Kansas? It's quiet out there, peaceful. And do you know why it's quiet out there? It's so quiet because only 47 people live in Kansas. And those 47 people are kept busy all day every day working in the wheat mines. Is that how you really want to spend the rest of your life?

Virginia is a beautiful state, and there is a lot of history there. And the state's tourist slogan is Virginia is for Lovers. But that's also the problem. It is a state law that you have to be in a committed relationship to live in Virginia. Single people are not allowed to live there. And there are harsh penalties for those who engage in masturbatory activities. After all, the slogan isn't Virginia is for Self-Lovers.

California is not only one of the most diverse destinations in the country, but in the world. Whatever you are looking for, California has got it. However, studies show that one out of every five California residents this year will join a cult, die at the hands of a serial killer, perish in a mudslide, get gunned down in a drive-by shooting, or have to date Paris Hilton.

So tell us, all things being equal, if you could have all your loved ones around you and money was not an object, in which of the fifty states would you choose to live?

And for those of you who do not live in this country, please form a line to the right, single file, and prepare yourselves to be strip-searched and interrogated. Oh, except for Canadians. Canadians can stay. After the invasion and occupation you guys will be living in the fifty-first state, so you are practically one of us now.

But perhaps I've said too much.