Write Back Weekend "On The Streets of Philadelphia"
Last TITMT stepped outside the AOGB box. The scenario posed was this:
A few months ago, my boyfriend and I were on our way home from Philadelphia. On the way we spotted a man pulled over to the side of the road. Assumably his family was waiting in the car. He was flagging drivers down and my boyfriend pulled over. He told us that his car had broken down and that help was on the way, but that unfortunately he did not have all the money he needed to pay for the tow truck. So he was asking strangers, out of the kindness of their hearts, for anything up to fifteen dollars to contribute to the total cost. He also offered to pay us back if we were willing to give our address to him.
These were the questions I asked...
1. Would you have stopped in the first place? Why or why not?
2. Are there any factors that would contribute to your stopping or not stopping that would ultimately change your answer?
3. If you stopped, would you or would you not give him the money he asked for?
4. If you gave him the money, would you supply your address?
5. Does time of year or time or time of day effect your answer?
Now I'm going to tell the story with details I had left out originally.
A few months ago, probably in the late spring/early summer, my boyfriend and I were on our way home late at night from Philadelphia. On the way we spotted an African American man pulled over to the side of the road. Assumably his family was waiting in the car. There were people with them, but I could not see them. He was flagging drivers down and my boyfriend pulled over. He told us that his car had broken down and that help was on the way, but that unfortunately he did not have all the money he needed to pay for the tow truck. So he was asking strangers, out of the kindness of their hearts, for anything up to fifteen dollars to contribute to the total cost. He also offered to pay us back if we were willing to give our address to him. My boyfriend gave him some money and turned to me for the rest since he was low on cash. I would not have wanted to give the money, but since we were already pulled over and I didn't know this man's intentions, I felt pressured in the moment to go with the flow. We decided not to give the man our address, for obvious reasons, and we didn't think to take down the license plate number.
On the way home we discussed how my boyfriend pulling over on a whim probably wasn't the best move. He did it without consulting me, but he did it as a gut reaction. He willingly admits that if he was by himself he wouldn't have hesitated. In retrospect he realizes he probably shouldn't have pulled over with me in the car. The giving the man the money wasn't so much an issue for either of us. Whether it was a scam he used to buy drugs or it really went to fixing his car, it was a small enough amount of money to not make a difference in our lives.
So now to answer the questions I posed...
1. Would you have stopped in the first place? Why or why not?
Whether I was by myself or with someone else, I don't think my answer would really change. Unfortunately, as some of you have pointed out, we live in a pretty sick world. I definitely wouldn't have stopped alone, daytime, nighttime or otherwise as I am a female.
Then again, even with my boyfriend there, I still wouldn't have been inclined to pull over. Part of the reason I have to admit, is location. When you live around cities like Philadelphia and NYC you grow up guarded. So yes, while anyone pulled over may just be an unfortunate soul, in my mind, I wouldn't want to risk being a casuality. Had I been driving through my hometown my answer might have been a little different, but even then I'm not sure.
2. Are there any factors that would contribute to your stopping or not stopping that would ultimately change your answer?
As some of you also pointed out, there are alternatives nowadays to stopping. You can use your cell phone and call for help. The person who is waiting for help does not need to know if it was you or not, especially if their main goal is just help, period. You also can take the time to copy down the license plate number. For the record I could not see this man's car from where I was sitting in our car, but whether he had a family or not would not change the fact that I had a family, too. Unfortunately even married men with children can be criminals.
3. If you stopped, would you or would you not give him the money he asked for?
As a general rule, I don't give money to strangers. Luckily I am not in the situation enough for it to be an issue. The only times I have been really asked for money that I can remember have been when I was in the city. For the most part I ignore the people asking and do not make eye contact. It's not that I don't feel bad for people who are genuinely in need of some help. But I don't want to be gullible and end up regretting it later, if I'm alive to regret it, that is.
4. If you gave him the money, would you supply your address?
Even if I did give a stranger money willingly, I wouldn't give them my address to return it. I admire the fact that this man could have very well been in a desperate situation and was trying to think of a way of putting us at ease. I have to imagine that it is harder since the odds were stacked against him, too. It was late at night and he was a man of color, on the outskirts of Philadelphia. Had it been me in that situation I believe more people would stop because I am a white female. I'm not saying it's right, I just think statistically I'm more likely to be trusted, even pitied in a situation like that. On the flipside, however, I could be just as guarded if I was stuck on the side of the road in a place like that. After all, what's to stop someone who wants to "help" me from doing just the opposite, especially since the roads wouldn't be traveled nearly as heavily late at night?
5. Does time of year or time or time of day effect your answer?
A few years ago, some of you might recall I had an accident on an icy ramp during my early morning commute to work. Luckily for me the two drivers after me, both uninjured, stopped and stayed with me till help arrived. One of them was white, one was black. Their color didn't matter, but they both were males who stood out in the freezing cold with a scared female until she felt safer.
My heart goes out to people this happens to late at night in a bad location and in cold weather. Even homeless people who ultimately might waste the few bucks someone spares them on something like alcohol or drugs still has bigger issues brewing than the 20 bucks they might get from me. After all, they didn't get their overnight. Something greater contributed to their downwird spiral. Some people might wait to see what their money was actually going to be used for or take matters into their own hands.
In a perfect world, I wish, like many of you, that questions like these didn't cause such hesitation. It would be great to say that you would help someone, period in a time of need and not have to worry about the repercussions of your actions. But the fact of the matter is the world is just too scary of a place not to worry about it. It's comforting to think that those who do harm are still the exception to the rule, but that doesn't mean you should ever stop being careful.
A few months ago, my boyfriend and I were on our way home from Philadelphia. On the way we spotted a man pulled over to the side of the road. Assumably his family was waiting in the car. He was flagging drivers down and my boyfriend pulled over. He told us that his car had broken down and that help was on the way, but that unfortunately he did not have all the money he needed to pay for the tow truck. So he was asking strangers, out of the kindness of their hearts, for anything up to fifteen dollars to contribute to the total cost. He also offered to pay us back if we were willing to give our address to him.
These were the questions I asked...
1. Would you have stopped in the first place? Why or why not?
2. Are there any factors that would contribute to your stopping or not stopping that would ultimately change your answer?
3. If you stopped, would you or would you not give him the money he asked for?
4. If you gave him the money, would you supply your address?
5. Does time of year or time or time of day effect your answer?
Now I'm going to tell the story with details I had left out originally.
A few months ago, probably in the late spring/early summer, my boyfriend and I were on our way home late at night from Philadelphia. On the way we spotted an African American man pulled over to the side of the road. Assumably his family was waiting in the car. There were people with them, but I could not see them. He was flagging drivers down and my boyfriend pulled over. He told us that his car had broken down and that help was on the way, but that unfortunately he did not have all the money he needed to pay for the tow truck. So he was asking strangers, out of the kindness of their hearts, for anything up to fifteen dollars to contribute to the total cost. He also offered to pay us back if we were willing to give our address to him. My boyfriend gave him some money and turned to me for the rest since he was low on cash. I would not have wanted to give the money, but since we were already pulled over and I didn't know this man's intentions, I felt pressured in the moment to go with the flow. We decided not to give the man our address, for obvious reasons, and we didn't think to take down the license plate number.
On the way home we discussed how my boyfriend pulling over on a whim probably wasn't the best move. He did it without consulting me, but he did it as a gut reaction. He willingly admits that if he was by himself he wouldn't have hesitated. In retrospect he realizes he probably shouldn't have pulled over with me in the car. The giving the man the money wasn't so much an issue for either of us. Whether it was a scam he used to buy drugs or it really went to fixing his car, it was a small enough amount of money to not make a difference in our lives.
So now to answer the questions I posed...
1. Would you have stopped in the first place? Why or why not?
Whether I was by myself or with someone else, I don't think my answer would really change. Unfortunately, as some of you have pointed out, we live in a pretty sick world. I definitely wouldn't have stopped alone, daytime, nighttime or otherwise as I am a female.
Then again, even with my boyfriend there, I still wouldn't have been inclined to pull over. Part of the reason I have to admit, is location. When you live around cities like Philadelphia and NYC you grow up guarded. So yes, while anyone pulled over may just be an unfortunate soul, in my mind, I wouldn't want to risk being a casuality. Had I been driving through my hometown my answer might have been a little different, but even then I'm not sure.
2. Are there any factors that would contribute to your stopping or not stopping that would ultimately change your answer?
As some of you also pointed out, there are alternatives nowadays to stopping. You can use your cell phone and call for help. The person who is waiting for help does not need to know if it was you or not, especially if their main goal is just help, period. You also can take the time to copy down the license plate number. For the record I could not see this man's car from where I was sitting in our car, but whether he had a family or not would not change the fact that I had a family, too. Unfortunately even married men with children can be criminals.
3. If you stopped, would you or would you not give him the money he asked for?
As a general rule, I don't give money to strangers. Luckily I am not in the situation enough for it to be an issue. The only times I have been really asked for money that I can remember have been when I was in the city. For the most part I ignore the people asking and do not make eye contact. It's not that I don't feel bad for people who are genuinely in need of some help. But I don't want to be gullible and end up regretting it later, if I'm alive to regret it, that is.
4. If you gave him the money, would you supply your address?
Even if I did give a stranger money willingly, I wouldn't give them my address to return it. I admire the fact that this man could have very well been in a desperate situation and was trying to think of a way of putting us at ease. I have to imagine that it is harder since the odds were stacked against him, too. It was late at night and he was a man of color, on the outskirts of Philadelphia. Had it been me in that situation I believe more people would stop because I am a white female. I'm not saying it's right, I just think statistically I'm more likely to be trusted, even pitied in a situation like that. On the flipside, however, I could be just as guarded if I was stuck on the side of the road in a place like that. After all, what's to stop someone who wants to "help" me from doing just the opposite, especially since the roads wouldn't be traveled nearly as heavily late at night?
5. Does time of year or time or time of day effect your answer?
A few years ago, some of you might recall I had an accident on an icy ramp during my early morning commute to work. Luckily for me the two drivers after me, both uninjured, stopped and stayed with me till help arrived. One of them was white, one was black. Their color didn't matter, but they both were males who stood out in the freezing cold with a scared female until she felt safer.
My heart goes out to people this happens to late at night in a bad location and in cold weather. Even homeless people who ultimately might waste the few bucks someone spares them on something like alcohol or drugs still has bigger issues brewing than the 20 bucks they might get from me. After all, they didn't get their overnight. Something greater contributed to their downwird spiral. Some people might wait to see what their money was actually going to be used for or take matters into their own hands.
In a perfect world, I wish, like many of you, that questions like these didn't cause such hesitation. It would be great to say that you would help someone, period in a time of need and not have to worry about the repercussions of your actions. But the fact of the matter is the world is just too scary of a place not to worry about it. It's comforting to think that those who do harm are still the exception to the rule, but that doesn't mean you should ever stop being careful.
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