One Wedding And A Funeral
They often say things happen in threes. Well I'm only going to tell you about two things, unless of course something crops up today or tomorrow, after I write this post. Hey, you never know.
This week I unforutnately have to attend the wake and subsequent funeral of my aunt. This aunt is my father's sister. She suffered from cancer for awhile now. A few years ago she had a rare form of cancer that was found in her eye that caused the eye to be removed. They thought they had it all until a few years later it showed up...in her liver. This is also not the only family member who lost a battle with liver cancer. An uncle on the other side of the family is in a very similar state, so much so that when the phone rang, we knew it really was a toss up.
But back to my aunt. In general she had a difficult life. She hasn't worked for some years now, partly due to problems stemming from epilepsy, partly due to excuses and laziness. I'm not trying to talk badly about someone after they have gone, I'm just telling it like it is. My aunt was not a happy woman. An intelligent woman with potential unfulfilled, she often believed the world was out to get her...sometimes literally. Oh and she was stubborn as all hell, too.
Which is why it was quite surprising that when she became quite sick she actually took it all in stride. No one knows how they will react to their own sickness or the sickness of a loved one until you face it first hand. Oh sure you might think you know, but I'm hear to tell you, that fight or flight syndrome can be a real bitch sometimes.
On the flip side, I was invited to a wedding. I realized as I was about to write this post that these things often go hand in hand. At least for me. But this isn't the type of wedding you groan at when they play Kool and The Gang's "Celebration" for the 99th time. Oh no. This is my first ever invite to an Orthodox Jewish wedding.
Awhile ago I wrote about a friend who had found religion. This is the same friend. I knew she was very religious, but I wasn't quite sure if she was Orthodox or Hasidic because I'm admittedly not schooled on the differences, if there even is one. And the fact that I don't know if there is just further reinforces my point.
I'm not sure how they met exactly, but the lyrics from Fiddler on the Roof's "Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me A Match" keep floating around in my head. All I know is she was single with no prospects in sight and then engaged a few short months later. I also know that the few emails I have gotten from her in the past had hinted that marriage was on the horizon, although there was no man currently in her life. It was almost as if I was having a conversation with someone who was going grocery shopping. She was going to pick up some orange juice, cereal and apparently, a suitor.
Regardless, the engagement announcement came in May, followed shortly thereafter by an invite to the engagement party. Myself and two other college friends were all uncertain if some of us were being invited or none of us were. We all were in the same boat as far as keeping in touch was concerned. None of us have seen her since college ended. I knew I wasn't about to go to the engagement party of a girl who has a completely different customs than mine who I haven't seen in years without someone going with me. So I asked a mutual friend if she was going, and she said she wanted to hold out for the wedding invite instead.
Which brings me back to the wedding invite. The invite itself includes the typical things you'd expect to see: the general announcement, date, time and place, directions and a RSVP card. This is where the typical wedding announcement stuff ends. For starters, the event is broken into three different parts: A Kabbalas Panim Reception at 4, followed by a Chuppah at four forty-five and finally, a Simchas Chasson V'Kallah at seven. And yes, I have the invite on my lap as I type this considering there's no way in hell I'm memorizing all of that.
Then there's the back of the invite. On the back we have Things To Know about A Jewish Wedding. For the non Jew invites like myself, I think this is a nice touch. It offers more detailed explanations of the terms mentioned above, which only cause a little more confusement, but really the word amazement comes to mind more than anything. And just bc paraphrasing would not do the invite justice, I do intend to share it here:
What to wear: Jewish law places great importance on modesty, both in dress and behavior. It is our request, therefore, that our guests please dress modestly- knee length dresses with sleeves that cover the elbow and have a modest neckline are appropriate for women. Suits are appropriate for men.
Kabbalas Panim: When you arrive, you will find the bride in one room and the groom in another. The groom's room is called the Chasson's Tish, which means the groom's table. At the Tish, the Kesubah (marriage contract) is signed. In a separate room, the bride, seated like a queen, greets the guests.
Bedekin: After the Kesubah is signed, the groom is escorted by his friends to the bride, and then he places a veil over her face. This is the first time they have seen each other in a week. (It is often the most poignant part of the wedding.) The groom is then escorted back out of the room and guests are invited to take their seats for the ceremony.
The Chuppah: This is the ceremony, during which male and female guests are requested to sit seperately. The Chuppah (literally the wedding canopy) begins with the entrance of the groom, followed shortly thereafter by the entrance of the bride. The bride circles the groom 7 times nder the chuppah after which a series of blessings is recited, the groom sanctifies the bride by giving her a ring, the Kesubah is read aloud in Aramaic, further blessings are recited and the ceremony is concluded with the breaking of a glass to remind us that even in our joy we are saddened at the knowledge that the Holy Temple in Jerusalem remains in ruins. The newlywed couple then proceeds to the Yichud Room for a little time alone before heading out for pictures and the reception.
How We Celebrate
Dancing: First and foremost, there is separate dancing. The men dance for the groom; the women dance for the bride. Much of the dancing is done in large circles. For those unfamiliar with Simcha dancing, it is very easy and people will show you the few steps there are. We look forward to you joining in the fun.
Shtick: You may notice people acting a little odd, wearing costumes, shaking tambourines, doing acrobatics (maybe even setting their hats on fire). Jewish weddings often take on a carnival atmosphere in the guests' zeal to entertain the bride and groom. Don't hesitate to be a little silly, it makes the wedding a lot of fun!
There is just so, so much potential for an interesting blog post that attending seems simply too enticing to pass up. However once again I'm not about to go it alone. So, should my one friend get an invite and want to go, I'll go and by extension, you can all vicariously live the experience out through me. If not, well then, consider yourself schooled anyhow on what to expect should you get invited to one anytime soon.
This week I unforutnately have to attend the wake and subsequent funeral of my aunt. This aunt is my father's sister. She suffered from cancer for awhile now. A few years ago she had a rare form of cancer that was found in her eye that caused the eye to be removed. They thought they had it all until a few years later it showed up...in her liver. This is also not the only family member who lost a battle with liver cancer. An uncle on the other side of the family is in a very similar state, so much so that when the phone rang, we knew it really was a toss up.
But back to my aunt. In general she had a difficult life. She hasn't worked for some years now, partly due to problems stemming from epilepsy, partly due to excuses and laziness. I'm not trying to talk badly about someone after they have gone, I'm just telling it like it is. My aunt was not a happy woman. An intelligent woman with potential unfulfilled, she often believed the world was out to get her...sometimes literally. Oh and she was stubborn as all hell, too.
Which is why it was quite surprising that when she became quite sick she actually took it all in stride. No one knows how they will react to their own sickness or the sickness of a loved one until you face it first hand. Oh sure you might think you know, but I'm hear to tell you, that fight or flight syndrome can be a real bitch sometimes.
On the flip side, I was invited to a wedding. I realized as I was about to write this post that these things often go hand in hand. At least for me. But this isn't the type of wedding you groan at when they play Kool and The Gang's "Celebration" for the 99th time. Oh no. This is my first ever invite to an Orthodox Jewish wedding.
Awhile ago I wrote about a friend who had found religion. This is the same friend. I knew she was very religious, but I wasn't quite sure if she was Orthodox or Hasidic because I'm admittedly not schooled on the differences, if there even is one. And the fact that I don't know if there is just further reinforces my point.
I'm not sure how they met exactly, but the lyrics from Fiddler on the Roof's "Matchmaker, Matchmaker Make Me A Match" keep floating around in my head. All I know is she was single with no prospects in sight and then engaged a few short months later. I also know that the few emails I have gotten from her in the past had hinted that marriage was on the horizon, although there was no man currently in her life. It was almost as if I was having a conversation with someone who was going grocery shopping. She was going to pick up some orange juice, cereal and apparently, a suitor.
Regardless, the engagement announcement came in May, followed shortly thereafter by an invite to the engagement party. Myself and two other college friends were all uncertain if some of us were being invited or none of us were. We all were in the same boat as far as keeping in touch was concerned. None of us have seen her since college ended. I knew I wasn't about to go to the engagement party of a girl who has a completely different customs than mine who I haven't seen in years without someone going with me. So I asked a mutual friend if she was going, and she said she wanted to hold out for the wedding invite instead.
Which brings me back to the wedding invite. The invite itself includes the typical things you'd expect to see: the general announcement, date, time and place, directions and a RSVP card. This is where the typical wedding announcement stuff ends. For starters, the event is broken into three different parts: A Kabbalas Panim Reception at 4, followed by a Chuppah at four forty-five and finally, a Simchas Chasson V'Kallah at seven. And yes, I have the invite on my lap as I type this considering there's no way in hell I'm memorizing all of that.
Then there's the back of the invite. On the back we have Things To Know about A Jewish Wedding. For the non Jew invites like myself, I think this is a nice touch. It offers more detailed explanations of the terms mentioned above, which only cause a little more confusement, but really the word amazement comes to mind more than anything. And just bc paraphrasing would not do the invite justice, I do intend to share it here:
What to wear: Jewish law places great importance on modesty, both in dress and behavior. It is our request, therefore, that our guests please dress modestly- knee length dresses with sleeves that cover the elbow and have a modest neckline are appropriate for women. Suits are appropriate for men.
Kabbalas Panim: When you arrive, you will find the bride in one room and the groom in another. The groom's room is called the Chasson's Tish, which means the groom's table. At the Tish, the Kesubah (marriage contract) is signed. In a separate room, the bride, seated like a queen, greets the guests.
Bedekin: After the Kesubah is signed, the groom is escorted by his friends to the bride, and then he places a veil over her face. This is the first time they have seen each other in a week. (It is often the most poignant part of the wedding.) The groom is then escorted back out of the room and guests are invited to take their seats for the ceremony.
The Chuppah: This is the ceremony, during which male and female guests are requested to sit seperately. The Chuppah (literally the wedding canopy) begins with the entrance of the groom, followed shortly thereafter by the entrance of the bride. The bride circles the groom 7 times nder the chuppah after which a series of blessings is recited, the groom sanctifies the bride by giving her a ring, the Kesubah is read aloud in Aramaic, further blessings are recited and the ceremony is concluded with the breaking of a glass to remind us that even in our joy we are saddened at the knowledge that the Holy Temple in Jerusalem remains in ruins. The newlywed couple then proceeds to the Yichud Room for a little time alone before heading out for pictures and the reception.
How We Celebrate
Dancing: First and foremost, there is separate dancing. The men dance for the groom; the women dance for the bride. Much of the dancing is done in large circles. For those unfamiliar with Simcha dancing, it is very easy and people will show you the few steps there are. We look forward to you joining in the fun.
Shtick: You may notice people acting a little odd, wearing costumes, shaking tambourines, doing acrobatics (maybe even setting their hats on fire). Jewish weddings often take on a carnival atmosphere in the guests' zeal to entertain the bride and groom. Don't hesitate to be a little silly, it makes the wedding a lot of fun!
There is just so, so much potential for an interesting blog post that attending seems simply too enticing to pass up. However once again I'm not about to go it alone. So, should my one friend get an invite and want to go, I'll go and by extension, you can all vicariously live the experience out through me. If not, well then, consider yourself schooled anyhow on what to expect should you get invited to one anytime soon.
<< Home