Let It Bee

While I love summer as much as the next girl, there's one thing I hate about the warm weather with a capital b, Bees.

The other day I was watching part of the movie Deadly Invasion: The Killer Bee Nightmare. As if the acting in the movie wasn't scary enough, the concept was even scarier. What do you do if an angry swarm of bees starts following you around? Where do you go? Sure, spiders that bite are creepy, but if you see a spider crawling towards you, at least you can do the reasonable thing and walk away. I don't know about you but to me, flying trumps walking any day.

As my dad has been telling me for years, bees are our friends. He only says this because he likes to torture me. He knows how much I hate bees or really, buzzing bugs of any kind.

Did you know that a bug that buzzes, when trapped inside, only starts to buzz louder? This is because they are gasping for air. Picture a bee after it's gotten off the treadmill and that's what it's like for them to be flying around your rec room for an hour. They don't want to be there as much as you don't want them there, but sometimes you can lead a bee to the window, but you can't make him leave.

One time, a few years ago, a huge wasp, bee, or just plain evil and venomous cousin of these creatures got stuck inside my house. He was flying around the kitchen and I was home alone. Now my kitchen has no doors so there was no way to sequester the bee to the confines of the kitchen. The only exit was the way the bee came in. You open it and you risk letting in other bees and thus the dilemma.

So since I couldn't sequester the bee I did the next best thing. I sequstered myself. I closed all the doors on the second floor and holed myself up in my room with a towel by the foot of my door. What can I say? Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I know what you're thinking cause I've heard it all before. I'm bigger than the bee. The bee is more scared of me then I am of it. If you don't bother the bee, it won't bother you. Well I'm hear to tell you all of it is just a load of beeswax.

One year, a few years before the "sequestered beeish incident" I was sun tanning on my deck. Now anyone who knows me knows my fear of bees stems back to childhood. Just the sight of them creeps me out. I have never had a traumatic experience with a bee. Sat on a porcupine once, but that's another story for another time.

So I'm on my deck, sunning, alone which is a major step for me because that makes me very vulnerable to bee action. For some reason, I can rationalize sitting by water when there are bees nearby. This is because I can then run and hide for cover, under the water. But when there is no water, just sweat and suntanning lotion, it's a cocktail for bad bees-ness.

I was lying on my stomach when all of a sudden I felt a pinch. I looked around only to catch the bee sting in action. Of course, he literally scared the bejesus out of me. He was drilling away at my right shoulder blade. Naturally I did everything you're not supposed to do when I saw the bee stinging me. I panicked. I got up abruptly. I threw the book I was reading and I ran around like a banshee, swatting at my shoulder blade furiously.

I made it inside the house only the damage had already been done. For the first known time in my life, I had been stung by a bee.

Because it was my first time I did what any self respecting teenager would do. I called my mommy at work. Now my mom remained calm because she was in an air conditioned office while I was at home surrounded by bees (I'm exaggerating for effect, k?) I have to point this out though because if the tables were turned, she too would be screaming. Let's just say the flower doesn't fall far from the bee.

I was freaking out because I didn't know if I was allergic or not. So I'm sitting there. The pain isn't so awful, but I'm waiting because at any second I could blow up like a balloon or be gasping for air from a bad bee sting reaction. When moments passed and I realized none of these things had happened, I calmed down considerably. I braved the storm and went outside to retreive my book. Don't bother them and they won't bother you? Another bee myth, debunked, thank you very much.

This is why summer is fun, but it's best to bee careful, whatever you do.