Open Letter to A School Superintendent (Rough Draft)
Dear_____________ (insert name of bigwig here),
My name is Janet Branagan. Then again, you probably already know that from the last seventy-five letters I've sent to your attention. I hope you have found good use for them; as part of paper mache schoolhouse perhaps, or even as a lovely shade of rejection colored wallpaper.
I'm afraid I have some bad news to share with you. You aren't calling me. Now I'm wondering, was the scented stationery with lipstick imprint too much? Did my signature not scream LEADERSHIP, but instead quietly murmur, COULD DO WITHOUT AN INCOME? Perhaps I typed in the wrong phone number or left off a digit. Or maybe, just maybe, your phone isn't working. Yes, that must be it, your phone just isn't working!
I'd like to personally make mention of the school districts that I have a history with who are calling my colleagues for interviews, but not yours truly. For you, precious few, I hold a special place in my heart.
I also want to take this opportunity to thank 25% of you for acknowledging my application got to your office. At least I know I exist in your world. I see I'm still apparently unworthy to step foot inside your establishment, but I exist nonetheless.
You know the line in my original cover letter that starts with, "I feel I would be an excellent addition to your team...?" I've been thinking about working in an add on. "I feel I would be an excellent addition to your team, should you run out of people you know personally like the girl who works at the camp where the vice-president of The Board of Education works, or say, Third-Grade teacher Mrs. Smith's daughter's best friend's checkout girl at Target, isn't available." I'm not sure though. It might be too vague and I want to clearly convey I'd like to work for your school.
If you don't mind, I'd also like to ask you a quick question. There is a ghastly rumor going around that there is no way every single resume that is sent to your office could possibly be read considering the sheer volume of them and an unfortunate lack of manpower. As a result, every third applicant or so gets a read through. It's not unlike hitting the slots at the casinos. Luckily, I have a solution to this problem. You could hire me to read through these applicants. You know, since I need a job and all. Consider it a two birds with one stone type of deal. Notice how quickly I did that math? The other option is I could just send mulitple copies of my resume to your office, increasing the odds. But that would be wasting paper and wasting paper means wasting trees and only a good teacher knows how important it is to work on saving the environment.
In conclusion, I am confident I will excel as a teacher because I identify with what makes a good leader and I have what it takes to bring out the best in my students. I look forward to driving past your school, your home and your child's soccer practice in the near future to discuss the goals of your district and how little ol' me could help you achieve them.
Sincerely,
Applicant #2356
My name is Janet Branagan. Then again, you probably already know that from the last seventy-five letters I've sent to your attention. I hope you have found good use for them; as part of paper mache schoolhouse perhaps, or even as a lovely shade of rejection colored wallpaper.
I'm afraid I have some bad news to share with you. You aren't calling me. Now I'm wondering, was the scented stationery with lipstick imprint too much? Did my signature not scream LEADERSHIP, but instead quietly murmur, COULD DO WITHOUT AN INCOME? Perhaps I typed in the wrong phone number or left off a digit. Or maybe, just maybe, your phone isn't working. Yes, that must be it, your phone just isn't working!
I'd like to personally make mention of the school districts that I have a history with who are calling my colleagues for interviews, but not yours truly. For you, precious few, I hold a special place in my heart.
I also want to take this opportunity to thank 25% of you for acknowledging my application got to your office. At least I know I exist in your world. I see I'm still apparently unworthy to step foot inside your establishment, but I exist nonetheless.
You know the line in my original cover letter that starts with, "I feel I would be an excellent addition to your team...?" I've been thinking about working in an add on. "I feel I would be an excellent addition to your team, should you run out of people you know personally like the girl who works at the camp where the vice-president of The Board of Education works, or say, Third-Grade teacher Mrs. Smith's daughter's best friend's checkout girl at Target, isn't available." I'm not sure though. It might be too vague and I want to clearly convey I'd like to work for your school.
If you don't mind, I'd also like to ask you a quick question. There is a ghastly rumor going around that there is no way every single resume that is sent to your office could possibly be read considering the sheer volume of them and an unfortunate lack of manpower. As a result, every third applicant or so gets a read through. It's not unlike hitting the slots at the casinos. Luckily, I have a solution to this problem. You could hire me to read through these applicants. You know, since I need a job and all. Consider it a two birds with one stone type of deal. Notice how quickly I did that math? The other option is I could just send mulitple copies of my resume to your office, increasing the odds. But that would be wasting paper and wasting paper means wasting trees and only a good teacher knows how important it is to work on saving the environment.
In conclusion, I am confident I will excel as a teacher because I identify with what makes a good leader and I have what it takes to bring out the best in my students. I look forward to driving past your school, your home and your child's soccer practice in the near future to discuss the goals of your district and how little ol' me could help you achieve them.
Sincerely,
Applicant #2356
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