Ghetto Superstar. That Is What You Are.
I've noticed a reoccurring trend in reality television featuring celebrities. That of course, is the absence of any real celebrities.
There are many examples of this, VH1 alone cornering the market on such gems as But Can They Sing?, Celebrity Fit Club and The Surreal Life. But for this post I am going to focus my energies on the reality du jour: There and Back, Dancing With the Stars, and Skating With Celebrities.
In There and Back we are reintroduced to Ashley Parker Angel, former O-Town boyband member who is now about to be a dad and a husband. He also is trying desperately to renew his five and a half minutes of fame.
There's a recipe to appreciating shows like There and Back. First you have to find people who even remember O-Town and no, I don't count because I remember everything. This is important because this is the "there" in the equation. Without the "there" you can't possibly comprehend the "back". No one knows what you are trying to get back to. All they see is a mediocre singer who hopes you pity the fool.
Then, once you find the people who remember, you have to add another important ingredient, people who actually care. Watch as Ashley struggles to gain respect in the music business, make meaningful music for his unborn child and manage to pay the mortgage...all at the same time! Hey, this sounds familiar. Oh that's right. It is familiar...because it is the story of like 75% of the American population, except, perhaps, the music part. Mix well, and bake for 30 minutes. Serve with a slice of Meet The Barkers.
Hot on its heels you have Dancing With The Stars, a show that surprisingly took America by storm in its afterthought of a time slot last season. This year DWTS is back with more drama, more spray on tans oh yeah, and more dancing.
The good thing about Dancing With The Stars is that it actually is entertainment. But the reason it is entertaining is not because of the stars they chose, but because the people they chose...are dancing. Everyone loves to cut loose and lose their blues every now and again. Just ask Kevin Bacon.
Last season they had "stars" like Trista Rehn, Rachel Hunter, Evander Holyfield, and the ohmy Godwasherobbed contestant, Joey Mcintyre. In the end, it all came down to Kelly Monaco of General Hospital fame and J. Peterman, sometimes known as actor John O' Hurley.
This season the kicks have gotten higher and the number of teams have increased, but the caliber of stars? Not so much. There's Lisa Rinna, George Hamilton, Giselle Fernandez, Kenny Mayne, Tia Carrere, Tatum O'Neal, Jerry Rice, Stacy Keibler, Drew Lachey, and Master P.
Gone already are Kenny, Tatum and Giselle, while Master P is still there, representing for the hood. If you think they had voting problems at The Best of Blogs, think again.
Finally we have Skating With Celebrities. When I first heard about this one I wondered how they were actually going to pull it off. I mean, how many celebrities can skate well enough to perform a routine? Then I remembered you need not be a real celebrity, just a real, live person.
On Skating With Celebrities the teams are Jillian Barberie and John Zimmerman, Kurt Browning and Deborah Gibson, Jenni Meno and Todd Bridges, Tai Babilonia and Bruce Jenner, Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler and Nancy Kerrigan and Dave Coulier.
With Skating With Celebrities I know that we have gone on C List celebrity overload. Why? Well, for one thing, you know it's bad when certain celebrities i.e. Dave Coulier can be cross referenced on these types of shows, now having been on both The Surreal Life and Skating With Celebrities.
The other key is when there are enough reality shows around that both you AND your dad made the cut...but on different programs. This is the case with Bruce Jenner, now on SWC and his biological sons who reeked havoc on David Foster's house in the gone too soon, The Princes of Malibu.
And while we're on the subject of Bruce Jenner, let's talk for a minute about the skating itself. He and his partner, Tai Babilonia skated their first skate to "Lift Us Up Where We Belong". The irony here? There were NO LIFTS. I mean how can you forget? It's the name of the song!
Then there's poor Todd Bridges who could have been Will Smith before Will Smith was Will Smith...had he played his cards right. As if living with this knowledge isn't hardship enough, he comes out with his partner, Jenni Meno and skates...to a Will Smith song. Ouch.
No offense to Todd Bridges or any of the other contestants on any of these shows, but I would really like to sink my teeth into an actual celebrity out there on the dance floor, the ice skating rink or the race car...a theme I'm sure they'll think up next week.
Yes, instead of Todd Bridges, how about Jeff Bridges? In place of Dave Coulier let's see the Olsen Twins. And although Drew Lachey is nice, have you had your fill of Nick Lachey today?
In short, what these shows are doing, no matter how entertaining it is, is putting the horse before the cart, or even the chicken before the egg (or is it the egg before the chicken?) All of the contestants can be broken down into one of two camps: those who kinda, sorta used to be stars and those whose biggest claims to fame are being on shows like these. They really aren't celebrities going in, but they are quasi celebs going out. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
So fear not, celebrity show hopefuls. You too can make it onto a reality show someday, even if you can't dance, sing or haven't been seen in over fifteen years.
All you need to know is how to do "the hustle".
There are many examples of this, VH1 alone cornering the market on such gems as But Can They Sing?, Celebrity Fit Club and The Surreal Life. But for this post I am going to focus my energies on the reality du jour: There and Back, Dancing With the Stars, and Skating With Celebrities.
In There and Back we are reintroduced to Ashley Parker Angel, former O-Town boyband member who is now about to be a dad and a husband. He also is trying desperately to renew his five and a half minutes of fame.
There's a recipe to appreciating shows like There and Back. First you have to find people who even remember O-Town and no, I don't count because I remember everything. This is important because this is the "there" in the equation. Without the "there" you can't possibly comprehend the "back". No one knows what you are trying to get back to. All they see is a mediocre singer who hopes you pity the fool.
Then, once you find the people who remember, you have to add another important ingredient, people who actually care. Watch as Ashley struggles to gain respect in the music business, make meaningful music for his unborn child and manage to pay the mortgage...all at the same time! Hey, this sounds familiar. Oh that's right. It is familiar...because it is the story of like 75% of the American population, except, perhaps, the music part. Mix well, and bake for 30 minutes. Serve with a slice of Meet The Barkers.
Hot on its heels you have Dancing With The Stars, a show that surprisingly took America by storm in its afterthought of a time slot last season. This year DWTS is back with more drama, more spray on tans oh yeah, and more dancing.
The good thing about Dancing With The Stars is that it actually is entertainment. But the reason it is entertaining is not because of the stars they chose, but because the people they chose...are dancing. Everyone loves to cut loose and lose their blues every now and again. Just ask Kevin Bacon.
Last season they had "stars" like Trista Rehn, Rachel Hunter, Evander Holyfield, and the ohmy Godwasherobbed contestant, Joey Mcintyre. In the end, it all came down to Kelly Monaco of General Hospital fame and J. Peterman, sometimes known as actor John O' Hurley.
This season the kicks have gotten higher and the number of teams have increased, but the caliber of stars? Not so much. There's Lisa Rinna, George Hamilton, Giselle Fernandez, Kenny Mayne, Tia Carrere, Tatum O'Neal, Jerry Rice, Stacy Keibler, Drew Lachey, and Master P.
Gone already are Kenny, Tatum and Giselle, while Master P is still there, representing for the hood. If you think they had voting problems at The Best of Blogs, think again.
Finally we have Skating With Celebrities. When I first heard about this one I wondered how they were actually going to pull it off. I mean, how many celebrities can skate well enough to perform a routine? Then I remembered you need not be a real celebrity, just a real, live person.
On Skating With Celebrities the teams are Jillian Barberie and John Zimmerman, Kurt Browning and Deborah Gibson, Jenni Meno and Todd Bridges, Tai Babilonia and Bruce Jenner, Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler and Nancy Kerrigan and Dave Coulier.
With Skating With Celebrities I know that we have gone on C List celebrity overload. Why? Well, for one thing, you know it's bad when certain celebrities i.e. Dave Coulier can be cross referenced on these types of shows, now having been on both The Surreal Life and Skating With Celebrities.
The other key is when there are enough reality shows around that both you AND your dad made the cut...but on different programs. This is the case with Bruce Jenner, now on SWC and his biological sons who reeked havoc on David Foster's house in the gone too soon, The Princes of Malibu.
And while we're on the subject of Bruce Jenner, let's talk for a minute about the skating itself. He and his partner, Tai Babilonia skated their first skate to "Lift Us Up Where We Belong". The irony here? There were NO LIFTS. I mean how can you forget? It's the name of the song!
Then there's poor Todd Bridges who could have been Will Smith before Will Smith was Will Smith...had he played his cards right. As if living with this knowledge isn't hardship enough, he comes out with his partner, Jenni Meno and skates...to a Will Smith song. Ouch.
No offense to Todd Bridges or any of the other contestants on any of these shows, but I would really like to sink my teeth into an actual celebrity out there on the dance floor, the ice skating rink or the race car...a theme I'm sure they'll think up next week.
Yes, instead of Todd Bridges, how about Jeff Bridges? In place of Dave Coulier let's see the Olsen Twins. And although Drew Lachey is nice, have you had your fill of Nick Lachey today?
In short, what these shows are doing, no matter how entertaining it is, is putting the horse before the cart, or even the chicken before the egg (or is it the egg before the chicken?) All of the contestants can be broken down into one of two camps: those who kinda, sorta used to be stars and those whose biggest claims to fame are being on shows like these. They really aren't celebrities going in, but they are quasi celebs going out. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
So fear not, celebrity show hopefuls. You too can make it onto a reality show someday, even if you can't dance, sing or haven't been seen in over fifteen years.
All you need to know is how to do "the hustle".
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